Impatience

I have come to the realization that I am quite possibly the most impatient person on the face of the planet.  I can't get through sitting at a red light to turn left (stupidest thing here in Virginia) without huffing and puffing at least once.  I can't get through standing in the "express" checkout line (and I use that term very loosely) without shifting my weight and rolling my eyes within the first 3 minutes.  I have resorted to swearing and gritting my teeth every time I'm stuck behind someone slow on the interstate.

 

I don't know how this condition came about, or how long I've been this way, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to fight it.  I think it began in New York where there was a two lane highway in and out of the Hamptons and the roads were cluttered with "citidiots" from May 1 - November 1 every year.  A normal hour drive to get to Wal-mart would span about two hours during those months.  Our favorite hometown delis and restaurants would be overpacked with rude city people who expected you to bow to them because of their vast wealth.  Working in Customer Service was enough to cause an ulcer (which it did) with the rude way people spoke to you. 

 

"Patience is a virtue" is how the old saying goes, but I think that virtue managed to pass me up.  Sometimes waiting is pure agony, other times its just an incovenience.  At this point in time it's agonizing to wait for anything. 

 

I wonder if there's a pill for this condition?  Seems as if there's a pill for everything these days...

Christmas Traditions

Yesterday, I received an email "survey" from Shannon where all of the questions were regarding the holidays.  I am one of those nerds who loves to fill them out and forward them on regardless of who likes them and who hates them, which is probably why the answer to everyone's "Who is most likely to respond?" is always "Leah". 

 

Nonetheless, I enjoyed this particular survey because it kicked my Christmas spirit in gear.  I listed my favorite tradition as us waking Mom and Dad up at the butt crack of dawn, and holding hands, eyes closed, to go out to our stockings.  However, when I read Mom's answers, I was reminded of the tradition that trumps my answer.  The tradition of Dad reading "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve.

 

I don't know how or when this tradition started, but every year after we left the Labadie gathering, we would all pile on Dad's lap in the Big Red Chair while he read the story of Santa's visit.  I never knew it during my childhood, but most every year during the reading, my father was tore up from the floor up.  We never noticed the slurred words or the mistakes in the story, it was enough for us kids to just be there in the moment enjoying family time.  There were years when Moe would stay with us and she'd be squeezed up there, too.  Even as the "little" kids got bigger, we'd all sit there, and Mom would pray that the arms of the chair would not break off.

 

During Christmas break in my first year of college was the first year we heard the story after Dad became sober.  He fought his demons earlier that year and quit drinking, and that was present enough for all of us.  I will never forget being 18 years old, in college, and anxiously waiting for him to read that story to us.  The story never changed from year to year, but that year was special.  He did his best "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!", and it was as sweet as music. 

 

A few years later, I was a married woman and the tradition continued on without me, until Dad passed away.  Being across the country, Patrick and I had to start our own Christmas Eve traditions which have included a romantic dinner at home prepared by Patrick (Chicken Marsala has been on the menu a few times)a bottle of champagne, and if he has anything to say about it, opening presents. 

 

Christmas at home will be hard this year because it will be my first at home, without my Daddy there.  It's been easy to *not* deal with the holidays and him being gone since we've not been around, but this year will be a hard one.  I will be surrounded by extended family and close friends, but nothing will fill the void of not having Christmas Eve readings on Daddy's lap. 

Gosh, I'm a lucky girl to get to wake up next to him for the rest of my life. ;)

I'll be home for the holidays

T-minus 4 days and counting...

 

Somewhere around 9 am Saturday morning we will be stuffed to the brim with luggage, making our merry way to D-town for Christmas.  Hopefully the sound of Christmas music will drown out the annoying whines of the dog, who can't stand to be in the back seat while we're up front.  If the weather holds out, we'll arrive in Hudson, OH Saturday evening to spend the night and pick up Grammy, and we'll arrive in good ol' Detroit on Sunday morning. 

 

Going home is always fun, but remarkably stressful at the same time.  Everyone expects you to come and see them, spend time with them, while you're there.  For years we've split up the minute we get into town so Patrick could spend time with his Mom and I could spend time with mine.  We thought, at the time, that this was the easiest way to deal with our situations...but we have found that to be wrong.  So, this time, we will be sticking together and trying to spend equal time with families and friends and it ain't gonna be easy.  We should have been doing this all along, but you live and you learn.  This is our vacation and holiday and I hate the fact that we always miss out on spending time with each other. 

 

On a lighter note, it turns out that Uncle Pat, Aunt Neil, Uncle Marty, Aunt Cheryl, Emily Jade and Ian Lawrence will be in town for Christmas this year, too, as well as Aunt Kathy, Uncle Tom, Bridget, Moe-Moe and Colleen.  It'll be the first time we'll be together in a very long time.  The only people who won't be there (that I know of) are Stick and Amy, and Tommy.  So, the Labadie clan will be in (almost) full force this year.  I'm beyond excited.

 

This trip should be fun, and I can't wait to see the look on Cameron's face when he opens his gifts! 

 

 

More pictures...

I love playing around with the photo editors...

Shop till ya drop...

Reposted - Monday December 12, 2005

 

Today turned out to be the best day I've had in quite a while.  With the stresses of the last month, miscarriage and moving included, I've felt rundown, sad and tired.  All of these are to be expected; however, nothing seemed to get my spirits up and keep them there. 

 

This morning, I took and passed the 3rd module in the Accredited Customer Service Representative designation I've been working towards.  The best part was that I passed it with a 90%!  I swore I was going to bomb this test, but apparently my study skills have improved since college -- that and I know my job better than I thought I did.  Two more tests and I'm designated!  :)

 

Then, to top the day off, we won the Travelers Sales promotion and each of us got $200 in gift cards to spend at the mall -- and two hours off to do it!  Talk about shopping till you drop!  My kicks were on fire, but I got a lot done.  I picked up gifts for Mom, Cameron, Sandy, Grandpa and Dora, McKynzi, Doug and Patrick.  I am a sales fiend!  Most of those are gifts I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise, considering the fact that we're "move poor" right now.  There is NOTHING like free money and Christmas shopping.  I'm so excited, I may give Patrick his gifts early!

 

To end the night, we get to go have dinner with Roger and Tasha, and we get to see their beautiful kids -- newest included!  I've desperately needed a day like this, and feel like things will be turning up now. 

 

The best part is that there's only a week until I'm home - and almost all my cousins, aunts and uncles will be there!

More friends...

A few friends...

Coast Guard Party...more to come when the computer gets hooked up!

Let the moving begin...

Today is December 1 - and it's our official move-in day!! We have been surrounded by boxes for weeks and today is the day they begin to vacate the premises. I have never been so excited to move myself. We are both going to need massages next week, but it'll be worth it.

I can't wait to get into the new place and make it a temporary "home". The only thing I don't like about it is the ugly wallpaper in the kitchen, but what can ya do?

Cody Coppo is ecstatic to have a least a small patch of backyard -- and his parents are super excited to not have to take him out 5x a day.

WOO HOO! Let's get this going!

Thanksgiving

Friends

In a time when you need them most, friends always come through. I finally got to sit down and talk to Ava last night about everything that's happened recently. She suffered a miscarriage earlier this year and it was nice to know that what I'm feeling right now is normal. The good news is that she is now 4 months pregnant and doing a-okay, so that gives us some hope.

It's sad that we can relate to such a horrible experience, since I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy. Every day is a new day and while it still sucks to feel like this, time does heal the wounds. There are times during the day that I'll get lost in thought and need to shake myself out of it. I don't want to let this go, but I don't want to dwell on it either. I don't want to wake up 3 years from now and realize that I'm not over it and it's affected my whole life.

I know it's hard for someone who has never been pregnant to comprehend, but I felt an instant connection with that little life inside me. I would have done anything to protect it. Now, as Kim put it, that baby is up in heaven with our Dad's and they are giving it the best care imaginable. That's the image I'll keep in my heart to get me through this.

Empty

It has taken me a while to sit down and be able to write this. I don't know why because writing is usually my release, my therapy, but somehow writing about this solidifies the fact that it's real. Even now I'm having a difficult time forming the words in my head.

There's no easy way to write it, or say it for that matter, and although it's been a week it's still hard to grasp. We went from total elation and tremendous joy to devastation -- and now there's emptiness. Last week, I lost our baby. I had a miscarriage that started after a traffic accident and completed itself last weekend. "Spontaneous Abortion" is the medical term and it's what the ER doctor kept calling it - but that term makes my skin crawl. The last thing you want to hear when you're coping with the loss of a pregnancy, under NO fault of your own, is that word. The word "abortion" is synonymous with teenage girls who aren't careful when they have sex and rush out after missing their period to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. This wasn't an unwanted pregnancy -- this child was loved even before it was conceived. This child had parents who cried with joy when they found out the news. This child had parents who planned for this time in their lives carefully. This child was no accident, it was the result of two people who love each other so deeply that they wanted to share their love with a person they created together.

I found out the news on Halloween of all days, and it was a day that Patrick was on duty. Actually, I had taken my first test the day before, but with my immense impatience I threw the test away after only seeing the Control line -- even though the test wasn't finished yet. 20 minutes later, in the trash, there was a 2nd line. I didn't want to let Patrick in on the possibility and decided to pick up another test on the way home from work the next day. So, there I was, alone on Halloween staring at the big fat positive on the test in front of me with tears of happiness streaming down my cheeks.

I ran out and got another brand of test to make sure the news was absolutely certain before I told Patrick. I knew he wanted to be surprised, and I had the plan concocted in my brain of how I was going to tell him and I didn't want to ruin it. The digital test I bought said "Not Pregnant" and I about fell on the floor. I panicked and spent the rest of the night wondering which one was right. The next morning, before work, I took 2 more tests and both said I was pregnant. Just for good measure, I took another test that night before meeting Patrick for dinner, and again it was positive. I only had once chance in my life to tell him I was pregnant for the first time and I didn't want to mess it up by being wrong.

I told him we were pregnant by getting him some presents as "motivation" for the advancement test he was taking two days later. The first was a box of POPtarts. The second was SugarBABIES and SugarDADDIES. The third was "Hop on POP" by Dr. Seuss. The fourth was an "I love my Daddy" bib rolled up with 3 of the tests inside. He had it at the candy, but knew for sure at the book. We both sat there in Cheeseburger in Paradise and cried and giggled like school kids. We had done it and we knew the next nine months would be agony as we waited to meet the little person we created.

However, the agony of impatience would soon turn into the agony of physical and emotional pain, as a week later I was rear ended on my way to work. I instantly thought of the baby and what could happen. I was told at the ER that I was too early to montior and if something is going to happen "it's going to happen". The very next day, I started spotting and ended up back in the ER. They called it a "Threatened Miscarriage" that night, but they had seen the gestational sac and sent me home to rest. The days dragged as we wondered what was happening with this little life inside as I kept spotting from Tuesday until Saturday. We kept hope that this was only a fluke and the pregnancy would last and I would be big and fat in July. On that Saturday, less than 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I was bleeding and cramping and ended back in the ER, where it was confirmed through tests and ultrasounds that I had, in fact, lost the baby.

The pain is tremendous. I thought at first that I would be able to brush this off and get back to life, but it's proving to be more difficult than I imagined. I can't go a few hours without thinking about how I should be having morning sickness and eating for two right now, but instead I sit here empty. We are both empty. Phsyically and emotionally.

Life will go on as it always does. The world does not stop turning because we are grief-stricken (a fact we both know all too well in our lives). We pick up and move on, but a part of us will forever be empty because of this loss.

Calm...

Do you ever just wake up one day and realize that everything in life is great -- and a wave of calmness comes over you? It's a great feeling...you should try it.

Not meant to be...

We found out this afternoon that another family's offer was accepted over ours for the house. We ended up being one of seven offers and were in the top two today. The other family offered more "guarantee over appraisal" than we did by $1200. I was not willing to make us scrape by and personally find the whole thing unfair. We offered MORE than asking price and then had to offer CASH to the seller on top of that. We could have said more than we did but it would have meant bread and water for the next 4 months and I wasn't willing to do that.

Despite saying I wouldn't be upset, I am. Being the eternal pessimest has never failed me before and it has always protected my heart from major breakage. I should never have gotten my hopes up because now I feel like we'll never find another home like it. Oh well...we march on. Maybe to our own home, maybe to a rental home...who knows. All I know is that I don't think my heart (or my nervous stomach) can take this again.

Dream House!

The listing popped up on our email Wednesday night and we barely thought twice about it. Both of us figured we were never going to find anything after striking out time after time. After being stood up (and lied to) for seeing a rental, we called our realtor to see if we could at least see the place even if we ended up not liking it.

As we pulled up to the townhouse, there were already 2 people waiting to look at the place ahead of us. Catherine, our realtor, came along and we waited patiently for our turn. As we stood there in the parking lot another gentleman pulled up and joined us in line. He was in the Air Force and was only looking for an investment property to rent out. He asked if we wanted the same from the home and we said "No, this is our first time buying a home." I felt a wave of nausea come over me when Catherine said this home already had two contracts on it.

Finally, our turn came to go in and I put my guard up just knowing I wouldn't like it. I immediately found out I was wrong. This was the home of our dreams. Catherdal ceilings in the great room, a fireplace with a cubby for the TV above it. Big picture windows, clean white walls. The dining room was the perfect size and it was next to an enormous kitchen with lots of counter space, even more cupboards and a pantry to boot. 1400 square feet of pure luxury.

The guest bedroom was in the back of the house and was bigger than our room here. A door to the backyard was in this room and we stepped out onto a huge deck - complete with hot tub. The yard was grass and MUCH larger than any of the other yards we'd seen, and it was the perfect place for Cody to run around. At this point I'm practically crying because I know in my heart that this is where I want to live.

We ventured upstairs where an open space loft greeted us before entering the master bedroom. It was the perfect place to set up an office and not have to use one of the bedrooms to do so. Patrick almost didn't let me in the master bedroom because he KNEW I'd start crying then. The room was spacious with two closets, a double sink vanity and the shower and toilet off on their own. There was even a linen closet, which we do not even have here. I could live in that bedroom and never emerge. Guests would have to come and visit me in my suite. It felt like I was in a dream.

We left there knowing that this was what we wanted, and offered $5K over the asking price -- which you have to do here if you want anything. Catherine enclosed a letter with our offer about how badly we wanted this home to be ours and tugged at their heartstrings by offering that we were a military family (the owners were too). We were the 5th contract at 8:00 last night and it seems as if we have pretty good shot, so this is where the prayers kick in. We know that God has a hand in this and everything happens according to His plan. If it was meant to be, it will happen. If not, we're okay with that.

I tossed and turned and barely slept a wink last night. I can hardly even shove breakfast down my throat because I'm nauseous just thinking about it. We should know something today, so until then I'll be the wreck sitting at her desk.

Praying hard...

Half Day

I can hardly keep up with this thing anymore. It seems that life has become even too busy to sit down and write.

The bosses at work gave Personal Lines each 1 half day off free, and today I'm using mine. Patrick took the day off so that we can spend it together. We're having lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise, then we're headed to look at a townhouse. After that we're hitting the gym, then Weight Watchers and then home to eat dinner. I love spending time with him even if it's running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

I've been working on a huge account at work, and by the sounds of it, I may get the deal. If I do, I will have contributed appx $20K to our bottom line this month alone! It's been a stressful couple of days getting everything together, and I'm not done yet. I'll use my whole morning to work on the rest of this. I hate doing sales and new business, but if I can keep getting clients like this, I don't mind it!

Patrick got his marks at work yesterday and they gave him two 7's (the highest you can receive)! He will get commendations to go in his record and the best part is that his spirits were totally uplifted by the fact that his boss really takes the time to evaluate people and not just write down a bunch of numbers. He has worked so hard and according to his superiors is "way beyond his pay grade". (Nice compliment, believe me!). So, we'll celebrate this weekend and have a great time.

This week started out promising and has continued to look up. On Monday, I was given my first raise at my job! My boss gave me nothing but praises and complimented me on my work ethic, my ability to start something and follow through, and the way I handle my clients. It was a great relief and much appreciated recognition. Gotta love more money!

Bring on the stress..

I am going to need to buy a case of Pepto and carry a bottle around with me constantly. Patrick and I decided that we are going to buy a house. We aren't the first people to buy a house, and we won't be the last, but holy cow...this is stressful. We have been preapproved for a mortgage and found out our credit has VASTLY improved over the last few years, which was a huge relief. We will not be overextending ourselves and relying on my salary to pay the mortgage, so we are going to stay a little cheaper than anticipated. I feel that's good because we can then use my money to make improvements and up the value of whatever we buy. The housing market is so hot down here that homes bought for $80K last year are now selling for $125K this year. We want to get in while the getting is good.

We're sticking with the condo/townhome idea and it seems to be working out well. Patrick has an appointment to see a place today while I'm at work. The sellers didn't want to show last night because they had just sat down for dinner. Understandable, but disappointing. As Sarah pointed out, they knew they'd sell the house in a snap either way so they can relax and turn some people down. 3 of the homes we were going to look at last night already had contracts on them. 1 had just been listed that day, and the other two were the day before.

I don't know how we're supposed to make a concious decision about a place if we can't "think" about it. The problem is if we like it, we gotta put an offer in that day. That's a little stressful to me, but if it will get us out of renting our stupid apartment, we'll make an offer.

Happy Friday!

Whole again...

Patrick FINALLY came home on Tuesday night. What a relief to hear him on the phone saying "You'd better be in Richmond at 6:04 tonight to pick me up!" -- and you bet your happy ass I was there with bells on. We both took the day off on Wednesday and spent it together hanging out. We got up and dropped the dog off for his bath, then drove to the college to drop off my various paperwork and applications for next semester, then we shopped and had lunch. It was a perfect day -- the only care we had was being with each other.

Despite the cold treatment of the admissions person at the college, I was ecstatic to have finally got the ball rolling on this. No one could have brought me down as I proudly handed over the explanation of my scholastic career (short as it was) because I finally took that step! Now, to just stay motivated all the way through...that will be the next accomplishment!

Tonight I had dinner with Jenn and Cassie at Applebee's and then we hauled ass to Garden Ridge in Chesapeake to find stuff for Jenn's room. It was nice to get out of the house, especially because Patrick had duty tonight. I'm sticking to WW hard right now because I gained back another pound and am scarily close to my goal weight again, so Applebee's was a great choice because of their WW menu! After the 1 point Carrot Cake I just ate, I am at my Points Target for today and am taking my butt to bed.

Sleeping weather should be nice since it's in the 50's this evening. Tomorrow we're headed to Virginia Beach for the Neptune Festival and the weather should continue to cooperate. I am so happy Fall finally decided to show her face in Hampton Roads.

Not Your Average Party Girl

This weekend has been pretty boring, despite my apparent breakdown on Friday (see below). I hit Wally World yesterday morning, bought crap & got the oil changed on my car. The Code-ster and I sat around watching Lifetime movies all day and on the commercials I'd run and clean out the closet. I feel much better having gotten it done especially because I've been procrastating for weeks. (I still have yet to file away all the paperwork in the office, but at least we know where it is). I got take out last night and spent another lonely evening with the dog. I think Cody is tired of me talking to him, because now he's just flat out ignoring me. I call his name and I swear he goes into the other room so as to avoid yet another one sided conversation with "crazy woman".

Today was a pretty productive day. The "Forty Days of Purpose" campaign started at church this morning, and I found myself there alone...but I did surprisingly well with it. I believe that there was a reason for Patrick to have been gone so that I would *have* to be faced with taking this first step on my own. I went because I wanted to and not because he wanted me to be there. Our small discussion group is comprised of 3 guys from the softball team that we already knew, so my comfort level automatically increased. I signed the contract to stay committed to this, and I will. I need to find the purpose of me being on this earth -- and I'm convinced it wasn't to sell insurance.

I finished the housework today and rewarded myself by going out to have sushi with Chris, Lindsay and Erin. It was great to get out of the house and have adult interaction...moreso, it was nice to have someone reciprocate the conversaion. Cody has not mastered the English language as yet. They talked about their night out on Friday and how everyone was "wasted". I'm glad I missed out on that one, to be honest.

I've never been a party girl, though I made a few half-assed attempts at it in college. I don't like losing control of my actions and my mouth because I felt like being drunk. I don't like having a hangover, wasting a whole day feeling sick and not being able to remember the night before. I feel like a three headed monster when all the people we know say "Oh man...I was so wasted last night" because I don't get it. Once in a great while, I'll get drunk...but I'm not out to do it every weekend, especially since I come from a long line of alcoholics. I mean, I'm talking Great Wall of China long. I refuse to be a recovering alcoholic someday, or worse...never be in recovery. So, I'll sit my happy ass at home and miss out on all the "fun" and be content with my life the way it is.