Invoice, Please!

Almost two years ago now my handyman Uncle Ray decided to help my Mom by redoing her kitchen for her. She refinanced her mortgage and put the new kitchen in to add value to her home. My uncle is fantastic with his hands and enjoys woodwork, capentry and remodeling. He was a full time Detective Sargent at the time and told my Mom that he would not charge her for the labor, that she just had to buy all the materials. He worked at his own pace and did an OUTSTANDING job. I was so excited for my Mom because this was something she had always wanted to do, but my Dad was the anti-Handyman. So, with Uncle Ray's help she got the kitchen she wanted, and we couldn't have been more thankful.

Recently, my sister moved back home to finish out her last year of school. She brought her cat along with her, who Cody mostly wanted to chase. So Mom decided to put new doors on the bedrooms to ensure that Cody couldn't get in and Bella couldn't get out when no one was home. She asked Uncle Ray for his help putting the new doors up, and he agreed. He apparently took a couple days to do it, but the end result was a safer cat and a less full dog.

Suddenly, yesterday, my Aunt Laurie drops an envelope on Mom's desk at work. Inside it was an invoice for Uncle Ray's costs for hanging the doors. On it was the price of the doors, which was expected, along with his own LABOR COSTS for hanging them. He took the time to point out to her that he graciously discounted his cost and said he would have charged "someone else" a higher price. Just so that you are clear, reader, the man never charged her for all the labor he did on the kitchen and he also never ONCE discussed LABOR COSTS prior to him hanging the doors. This was all out of the blue. So, not only did this cost my Mom twice the amount of money, but she was never given the opportunity to get other price quotes from other "handymen" prior to having the work done. Doesn't seem fair, does it?

My Mom is an educated consumer. She shops around to find a good deal and doesn't just throw money around that she doesn't have. The woman is a WIDOW who works three jobs to make ends meet. My Aunt and Uncle take expensive vacations 2 -3 times per year, and have never had to know the pain of not knowing whether you'll make ends meet. My Mom doesn't GET luxurious trips, great clothes or expensive household items. She busts ass to make her mortgage payment to keep her roof over her head. Also, my Mom has provided YEARS of free services to their animals - clipping nails, expressing glands, training advice - and never once did it cross her mind to send them an invoice for her time because you don't do that to family.

I am so angry about this whole situation that I could spit. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my family is the MOST important thing to me. Mom said she is going to pay it and just move on, but I have half a mind to call him up and ask him where the hell he gets off. Honestly, I am not saying that his time isn't worth money, because I know it is. My problem is with the fact that my Mom was never given the courtesy that a normal consumer would have been given, and therefore was treated with disrespect by her own family member. She doesn't want to talk about it but I know that she's hurt that he would treat her this way and her own sister would be in on it. If there were going to be charges for labor, they should have been discussed beforehand.

I just don't understand how the hell people can be so insensitive. It's not about the money, it's about treating your family with more respect than you would "Joe Schmoe". This is the final straw for me and in the future I'll be sure to keep my distance so that I don't tell him exactly where to get off.

Now, I wonder if he'll start charging Grammy for all the things she has him do for her...

The Brave Face

I recently wrote about how our life is up in the air because Patrick disenrolled from his class last week, and how we're just waiting to find out what the deal is with the Coast Guard about where we are going to go and when. Last week I was okay about the whole situation, really I was, but I am ready to admit that I am currently freaking out.

I consider myself to be a a level headed, fair minded person, especially when it comes to my family. I don't like change, per say, but when we have to make decisions I always let my heart guide me and support whatever it is Patrick wants to do. I have put on my brave face for the past week and supported him in this decision because HE really felt like it was the right one. Today, I am on the verge of tears and have bit off all my nails as I try to wait patiently to learn our "fate".

The fact of the matter is that I don't want to move right now. The thought of having to get ready for another move makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, we honestly JUST got here. We've not even been here 7 months yet and I'm already preparing to have to do it again. I don't want to have to pack and unpack again. I don't want to live out of a suitcase for days or weeks on end. I don't want to disrupt the life or schedule I have for Brady. I don't want to have to miss his birthday party or Christmas with my Mom because we might have to move. I just want things to be status quo for a while.

This is my moment of selfishness and I think I deserve it. I would never tell Patrick how scared I am because I KNOW how hard this was for him. I just have to sit here on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring and hope that good news is on the other end.

::Running to put brave face back on::

Misinformation

So, today I am feeling like a total idiot of a mother. I know I am not stupid because I have done a really good job with him, but for those things that I don't know I have relied on asking my pediatricians for direction.

At Brady's 9 month appoinment (late in August), his doctor told me that by the time he was 12 months and came back that he needed to be off the bottle and eating mostly table food. At 12 months he can have regular cow's milk instead. She said to drop his bottles one at a time over the next few months. So, I did just that a couple weeks ago, dropping his late afternoon bottle and decreasing the amount of formula he takes in by about 7 oz (big number).

I didn't realize it, but around that same time, Brady's napping got all out of whack. He went from talking himself to sleep to screaming. I haven't been able to figure out why until another mother pointed out to me that he is likely not getting enough formula (nutrition) and is hungry and pissed off. The stupid idiot that I am just thought the doc meant get rid of the formula AND the bottle, but apparently I must be a mindreader because she never said aloud that I needed to still feed him that forumla, just switch it to a cup.

My blog today isn't about how stupid I feel (although, I truly do), it is about how I have yet to find a decent doctor out here in California. EVERYONE is so rushed and overwhelmed that the Well Baby Checkup is over before it starts. I can't get a doctor to return my calls. I can't get a doctor to answer my questions. And I guess I can't rely on the information they give me unless I force them to stay in the room and explain it the way it's meant to be taken. Doesn't anyone care anymore? Dr. Stacy in Virginia was the only doctor who took any time to care about our child - and us. Why can't everyone be like her?

This country is so fouled up with it's healthcare that it's unreal.

State of Limbo

Just when I think that I am settled and accepting life the way it is, some kind of wrench is thrown at me and I'm forced to change my view of the future. Mother Teresa once said "I know God only gives us as much as we can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

Patrick told me on Monday that he was certain that he couldn't go on in this class anymore. Things had become overwhelming for him and he felt as though if he were sent to a boat on his own that he was totally unprepared. The pace of this class was so fast and he was not getting enough time to retain and practice the information given before he had to move on to something else. He told me honestly, "I am just not ready for this".

He has been told by several of the Chiefs at the school that he IS meant for this job, but he needs more experience in the field before he can complete this course. He is the youngest in the class, has been in the military the least amount of time, and only had 2 years experience as a Corpsman prior to starting this class. The Navy guys all have been Corpsmen for at least 5 years and in the military for 8 or more. They even told him at the beginning that this was going to be especially tough on him since he lacked the experience of the others. He has done well on all his exams but the school fails to let you practice one thing before you move on to another, and he is very much a hands on learner.

I applaud my husband's courage to take this step and handle the consequences from the Coast Guard, if there should be any. He knows he isn't ready and doesn't want to jeopardize his future shipmates or the ship in general. He wants to be totally confident in his job ability before taking the step to be the only medical person in charge of 100+ people. God knows that he is good at what he does, but he just needs more experience at this time.

So, now our life is in limbo while we wait to see where the Coast Guard will send us. He will stay here in San Diego for the time being and work at the Sector until the Detailer can put him someplace else. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for, but I want him to be in a place where he can continue to hone his skills and prepare him for the future. Brady and I will have to deal with the rest.

Sometimes life changes daily, but we have to roll with the punches to keep up with the flow. :)