Sunday, July 31, 2005
Playing house...
I think I may be alone in this thought, but I love a good rainy weekend every once in a while. We've been out and about so much every other weekend, and it's nice to have nothing to do but stay cuddled on the couch. It's also a nice break from the swealtering heat of the "South" as of late.
Despite a rocky end to our Friday night fun, we've had a nice weekend. Jillian's was fun, although it's been decided that it's definitely NO Gameworks. The new extern at the clinic came along and she was very nice. I offered to drag her shopping with me whenever she'd like, and she jumped at the chance. She's here and pretty much all alone for the next 9 weeks, and I can commiserate with being far away from everything and having no one to hang out with.
Yesterday was pretty lazy besides some errand running. We rented "Million Dollar Baby" and made Chicken Parmesan for dinner. I must say that I *love* playing house. I know that tecnically we aren't "playing house" since we're married and living together, but I know that this lifestyle won't last and the CG will seperate us again...so to me it's playing house for the time being. The weekends are satisfying just sitting here with Patrick, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, playing Scrabble. It's scary how life changes your priorities, and it's even scarier how much you take simple things for granted until you're faced with having to spend half of your time alone. Don't get me wrong, coming home to the dog was nice, but it's even better to have my sexy man to come home to every night.
Despite a rocky end to our Friday night fun, we've had a nice weekend. Jillian's was fun, although it's been decided that it's definitely NO Gameworks. The new extern at the clinic came along and she was very nice. I offered to drag her shopping with me whenever she'd like, and she jumped at the chance. She's here and pretty much all alone for the next 9 weeks, and I can commiserate with being far away from everything and having no one to hang out with.
Yesterday was pretty lazy besides some errand running. We rented "Million Dollar Baby" and made Chicken Parmesan for dinner. I must say that I *love* playing house. I know that tecnically we aren't "playing house" since we're married and living together, but I know that this lifestyle won't last and the CG will seperate us again...so to me it's playing house for the time being. The weekends are satisfying just sitting here with Patrick, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, playing Scrabble. It's scary how life changes your priorities, and it's even scarier how much you take simple things for granted until you're faced with having to spend half of your time alone. Don't get me wrong, coming home to the dog was nice, but it's even better to have my sexy man to come home to every night.
Friday, July 29, 2005
T-G-I-F!
Today is Friday and it couldn't have come soon enough. Even though we are without San again today, I'm going to keep my head up and try to get through it because tonight we're headed to Jillian's for dinner and games with, apparently, a ton of people. My little idea of Patrick and I going there for a date night turned into all of the Clinic coming as well. It's great, though, cause I'm excited to release a little tension and have a good time. Just wish I had a camera to bring!
I had a little taste of the past last night while relaxing on the couch. Because I forgot to pick up my pills on Monday, I had to wait until Tuesday morning to take them. I thought I would be fine because it was only a matter being of a few hours late. Well, I was wrong. The lack of hormones finally caught up with me, leaving me curled in the fetal position on the couch, praying for my uterus to shrivel up. At that point I remembered what my life was like before this treatment, and became thankful for the hormones that have kept the pain at bay for a year and a half. I have become a slave to those pills, apparently. Life without them is a terrifying thought.
I had a little taste of the past last night while relaxing on the couch. Because I forgot to pick up my pills on Monday, I had to wait until Tuesday morning to take them. I thought I would be fine because it was only a matter being of a few hours late. Well, I was wrong. The lack of hormones finally caught up with me, leaving me curled in the fetal position on the couch, praying for my uterus to shrivel up. At that point I remembered what my life was like before this treatment, and became thankful for the hormones that have kept the pain at bay for a year and a half. I have become a slave to those pills, apparently. Life without them is a terrifying thought.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Hooters...
Last night we went to Hooters for dinner with The Dawson Family. I realize that some might think that going to Hooters is "tacky", but apparently it's quite the family restaurant around here. Plus, they had All You Can Eat Wings night last night and I was craving wings like crazy. :)
McKynzi is such a good baby, and she's so much fun to be around. It was so damn hot in the restaurant last night and I felt so bad for her, but I think she handled it with grace. Not to mention the fact that she's got excellent parents. You see your friends in a whole new light when they become parents. Sort of a new found respect, if you will. Shannon was a natural with that child, and Ryan exuded being in love with both of them. I couldn't be more proud of them.
Shannon said that she had decided to be a Stay At Home Mom because when McKynzi smiles at her it makes her whole day better. I think it's a fabulous idea because NOTHING anyone could pay you would be worth missing that smile all day. I think being a Mom is probably so much more rewarding than writing someone's insurance. I pray that God will bless us with the opportunity to find out.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Jenny
It was a year ago today that Jenny died, and I still can't believe she's been gone all this time. It's so hard to fathom someone so young being here one minute and gone the next, and although it's starting to be a pattern in my life, it never gets any easier to deal with.
Jenny was a fun, vibrant, intelligent and stubborn person. She loved kids, even though she couldn't have her own, and would get down on the floor and play with the ones who came to visit work. She was so full of life. She loved to shop, and we would often talk of our addiction to being "Product Whores" because we had to try EVERYTHING on the shelves. Something to make our hair more full, the newest foundation to even out skin tone, the latest lotion with the shimmer to enhance your summer tan...we always tried new stuff and would let the other one in on the action.
I will never forget the day she died and how I found out. All alone in the office, covering the phones for Jess while she was at lunch, and Mr. Zimmerman called to speak to one of the bosses. After discovering no one was in, he said "Do you all know that Jenny Miller died this morning?" and of course we didn't. I was the first to find out and I had a wave of panic over me that I hadn't felt since I found out Dad died. Just then, Jimmy and Alex came in and pulled me aside. Jenny had died that morning of a heart attack at 34.
I remember watching Ben at the funeral and praying for him, and then praying that I never felt what he was feeling at that moment. I couldn't control the tears as he said goodbye to his wife. That is something I never want to do. The thought alone terrifies me, and this man has actually lived it.
I will always remember Jenny for the funloving, tough as nails, smart person she was. I miss her all the time. Lunch was never the same after she was gone, and she left a hole in all of our hearts when she left.
Jenny was a fun, vibrant, intelligent and stubborn person. She loved kids, even though she couldn't have her own, and would get down on the floor and play with the ones who came to visit work. She was so full of life. She loved to shop, and we would often talk of our addiction to being "Product Whores" because we had to try EVERYTHING on the shelves. Something to make our hair more full, the newest foundation to even out skin tone, the latest lotion with the shimmer to enhance your summer tan...we always tried new stuff and would let the other one in on the action.
I will never forget the day she died and how I found out. All alone in the office, covering the phones for Jess while she was at lunch, and Mr. Zimmerman called to speak to one of the bosses. After discovering no one was in, he said "Do you all know that Jenny Miller died this morning?" and of course we didn't. I was the first to find out and I had a wave of panic over me that I hadn't felt since I found out Dad died. Just then, Jimmy and Alex came in and pulled me aside. Jenny had died that morning of a heart attack at 34.
I remember watching Ben at the funeral and praying for him, and then praying that I never felt what he was feeling at that moment. I couldn't control the tears as he said goodbye to his wife. That is something I never want to do. The thought alone terrifies me, and this man has actually lived it.
I will always remember Jenny for the funloving, tough as nails, smart person she was. I miss her all the time. Lunch was never the same after she was gone, and she left a hole in all of our hearts when she left.
Monday, July 25, 2005
The Weight Watchers...
Is it Monday already? I wish that the weekends went by as slow as the work week does, because there never seems to be enough time to recouperate for the next work week.
After another relaxing day at Water Country, we came home and BBQ'ed steaks and made a great salad for dinner. I am so proud of Patrick and the choices he's making food wise. I knew once I got him hooked on WW he'd never be the same. To hear him come out with, "Well, we could just grill the steak and split it over a salad" was enough to knock me off my rocker. Steak was the man's weakness, his Kryptonite, but now he knows it's not healthy to eat a whole one twice a week! :) His 24 pound weight loss since getting here is so admirable. I couldn't be more proud. All I wanted in this world was for him to take better care of himself, especially because he even admitted to me that he was following the pattern his own father set and I REFUSE to be a young widow like his mother when there's something we can do to help prevent it.
After weigh in on Thursday, I am OFFICIALLY down 50 pounds since 4 years ago and now the lowest weight I've been since high school. It must be the humidity down here, cause I haven't even been trying to lose and I have lost 6 pounds in just a few weeks. Now, if I could drag my lazy ass out of bed and get back to the gym I'd be ecstatic, but we can't always do it all, right?
After another relaxing day at Water Country, we came home and BBQ'ed steaks and made a great salad for dinner. I am so proud of Patrick and the choices he's making food wise. I knew once I got him hooked on WW he'd never be the same. To hear him come out with, "Well, we could just grill the steak and split it over a salad" was enough to knock me off my rocker. Steak was the man's weakness, his Kryptonite, but now he knows it's not healthy to eat a whole one twice a week! :) His 24 pound weight loss since getting here is so admirable. I couldn't be more proud. All I wanted in this world was for him to take better care of himself, especially because he even admitted to me that he was following the pattern his own father set and I REFUSE to be a young widow like his mother when there's something we can do to help prevent it.
After weigh in on Thursday, I am OFFICIALLY down 50 pounds since 4 years ago and now the lowest weight I've been since high school. It must be the humidity down here, cause I haven't even been trying to lose and I have lost 6 pounds in just a few weeks. Now, if I could drag my lazy ass out of bed and get back to the gym I'd be ecstatic, but we can't always do it all, right?
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Just rambling...
Since Patrick found out yesterday at 2 that he had duty today, I'm here trying to figure out my day. I think I may pamper myself after a long week of work and get a pedicure this morning. Okay, now I'm drooling.
We went out to dinner last night and then went to Patrick's softball game. While waiting there for his 8:30 game to start it began to thunderstorm. So, before his game even got going they called it. We decided to hit the movies since they were up the road, and we saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". What an AWESOME flick! I enjoyed the original but this one blew it away. Even Patrick, who considers the original his favorite movie, came away loving this one more.
While waiting for the game to be called last night, I was talking with Lyrch from Patrick's team (his self proclaimed nickname) about our upcoming anniversary. He said "Hey, good luck with the 5th year, it's rough." I asked him what he meant and he responded by saying in his psychology class they did a study of 4500 couples and asked what were the lows of their marriage. According to their survey/study, the lows in marriage are the 1st Anniversary, the 3rd, the 5th, the 7th, the 10th and the 15th. I found this statement to be very strange because we believe anniversaries are for celebrating, so why would they be the low points? I challenged him by saying the first two years were rough, but that was because of outside forces and not because we were unhappy. After our first anniversary (I'm talking two days) he left for 8 weeks for boot camp, where we couldn't even talk to each other. Less than a month after we left our friends and family my Dad died suddenly and we were left to try and deal with that. 6 months after that I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and put into MENOPAUSE for 6 months at 23 years old. However, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I don't believe the bullshit that marriage isn't fun or it eventually kills a relationship. Our circumstances are different, but I *love* being married and wouldn't change what we've been through for anything in the world.
To close today, I need to scream for a second about telemarketers/bill collectors who STILL do not know that Crystal Roser doesn't have this phone number anymore. We've been here for 7 months and STILL the phone rings and it's for her. This morning was the worst...my day to sleep in and some idiot asshole calls at 8 AM! Followed by another at 9. Frank Roser's parole officer STILL doesn't get that he doesn't have this number. COME ON PEOPLE! Sheesh. Okay, I'm done.
We went out to dinner last night and then went to Patrick's softball game. While waiting there for his 8:30 game to start it began to thunderstorm. So, before his game even got going they called it. We decided to hit the movies since they were up the road, and we saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". What an AWESOME flick! I enjoyed the original but this one blew it away. Even Patrick, who considers the original his favorite movie, came away loving this one more.
While waiting for the game to be called last night, I was talking with Lyrch from Patrick's team (his self proclaimed nickname) about our upcoming anniversary. He said "Hey, good luck with the 5th year, it's rough." I asked him what he meant and he responded by saying in his psychology class they did a study of 4500 couples and asked what were the lows of their marriage. According to their survey/study, the lows in marriage are the 1st Anniversary, the 3rd, the 5th, the 7th, the 10th and the 15th. I found this statement to be very strange because we believe anniversaries are for celebrating, so why would they be the low points? I challenged him by saying the first two years were rough, but that was because of outside forces and not because we were unhappy. After our first anniversary (I'm talking two days) he left for 8 weeks for boot camp, where we couldn't even talk to each other. Less than a month after we left our friends and family my Dad died suddenly and we were left to try and deal with that. 6 months after that I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and put into MENOPAUSE for 6 months at 23 years old. However, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I don't believe the bullshit that marriage isn't fun or it eventually kills a relationship. Our circumstances are different, but I *love* being married and wouldn't change what we've been through for anything in the world.
To close today, I need to scream for a second about telemarketers/bill collectors who STILL do not know that Crystal Roser doesn't have this phone number anymore. We've been here for 7 months and STILL the phone rings and it's for her. This morning was the worst...my day to sleep in and some idiot asshole calls at 8 AM! Followed by another at 9. Frank Roser's parole officer STILL doesn't get that he doesn't have this number. COME ON PEOPLE! Sheesh. Okay, I'm done.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Calling for his head...
Yesterday on the morning show I listen to they reported an incident that happened in Va Beach on Wednesday afternoon. A father was coming out of a store with his baby in the carrier, he set the baby on top of the car while he got the keys out, got in the car and started to drive away with the baby on top of the car still. Strangers started yelling for him to stop and when he finally realized what they were yelling about he stopped the car, causing the seat to roll down the hood and off the car. The baby was hurt, but not badly.
So, the DJ starts going off because the police weren't going to press charges against the father. She starts screaming neglect, child endangerment, etc, and then asks for people to call in with their opinions. People were calling for this man to be arrested and put in jail for an accident he'll have to live with for the rest of his natural life. NOTHING anyone does to him will ever make him feel worse than he already does. This was an accident, plain and simple. While I realize that forgetting your child on top of your car is worse than forgetting, say, your purse or your coffee, why is it that we have to throw this person in jail?
This world is full of far worse people who deserve to be in jail than this poor father who his to live with this mistake for the rest of his life. Child molesters are back out on the street claiming to be rehabilitated only to rape, kill and molest again. Murders are let off because of technicalities in court.
What the hell is wrong with society that we'll call for this man's head because of an accident?
So, the DJ starts going off because the police weren't going to press charges against the father. She starts screaming neglect, child endangerment, etc, and then asks for people to call in with their opinions. People were calling for this man to be arrested and put in jail for an accident he'll have to live with for the rest of his natural life. NOTHING anyone does to him will ever make him feel worse than he already does. This was an accident, plain and simple. While I realize that forgetting your child on top of your car is worse than forgetting, say, your purse or your coffee, why is it that we have to throw this person in jail?
This world is full of far worse people who deserve to be in jail than this poor father who his to live with this mistake for the rest of his life. Child molesters are back out on the street claiming to be rehabilitated only to rape, kill and molest again. Murders are let off because of technicalities in court.
What the hell is wrong with society that we'll call for this man's head because of an accident?
Thursday, July 21, 2005
If it were fun, it wouldn't be called work...
I went into work yesterday only to find out that San had been called out of town because her mother is very ill and we aren't sure how long she'll be gone. I have prayed hard that she gets better but I'm not sure what will happen. I didn't think that things at work could get any worse, but they officially have. Yesterday we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. Vanessa and I kept looking at each other and rolling our eyes. At one point, I got so flustered I swore I was going to walk out of the office and never come back.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Why do I go to a job that I hate? Day in and day out all I do is complain about work. I LOVE the people I work with and thank the Lord that they're there cause I would have left immediately if they weren't. I am so burnt out right now that I can't even drag my sorry arse out of bed to go to the gym. I don't want to go back to school in the fall because all I want to do is come home and relax after work. The thought of adding more stress to my already stressful day makes me want to vomit.
On a brighter note, there are things in my life that I have nothing to complain about. I have a wonderful husband, a great marriage, a supportive family and fantastic friends. There's a roof over my head, food to go in my mouth, money to buy things we want/need. Life is pretty damn good and I need to watch how much I complain because it could all change in an instant.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Why do I go to a job that I hate? Day in and day out all I do is complain about work. I LOVE the people I work with and thank the Lord that they're there cause I would have left immediately if they weren't. I am so burnt out right now that I can't even drag my sorry arse out of bed to go to the gym. I don't want to go back to school in the fall because all I want to do is come home and relax after work. The thought of adding more stress to my already stressful day makes me want to vomit.
On a brighter note, there are things in my life that I have nothing to complain about. I have a wonderful husband, a great marriage, a supportive family and fantastic friends. There's a roof over my head, food to go in my mouth, money to buy things we want/need. Life is pretty damn good and I need to watch how much I complain because it could all change in an instant.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Happiness is...
Having a person to come home to who will stop at nothing to get you out of your funk.
Yesterday was another bad day at work and the commute home was terrible, so I was in an awful mood when I got home. While I was trying my hardest to mope and wallow in my day, Patrick made me dinner and dragged my sorry ass out of the house to cheer me up. He'll do anything to make me happy, and God only knows how much that means to me. We went to Heaven & Earth and got a couple of books to read together before bed. Mindless TV has always been okay with me, but it's got to stop. The best decision we made was to NOT put a TV in our room here. I love that we get ready for bed together, and lay there talking until we fall asleep. It's our time and I love having it.
Yesterday was another bad day at work and the commute home was terrible, so I was in an awful mood when I got home. While I was trying my hardest to mope and wallow in my day, Patrick made me dinner and dragged my sorry ass out of the house to cheer me up. He'll do anything to make me happy, and God only knows how much that means to me. We went to Heaven & Earth and got a couple of books to read together before bed. Mindless TV has always been okay with me, but it's got to stop. The best decision we made was to NOT put a TV in our room here. I love that we get ready for bed together, and lay there talking until we fall asleep. It's our time and I love having it.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Stupid people shouldn't breed...
I didn't think I had anything to write about today, thus the Random Pics below. But then I remembered that I DID have something I wanted to get out that was practically killing me at work.
So, Lynda reported yesterday that Sonia (whom I refer to as "Pregnant Girl") had her baby this past weekend. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not. Sonia is the pregnant girl who blatently sits in front of the office 6-7 times a day SMOKING when she's OUT TO HERE pregnant. I realize that it's none of my business, but give me a break. She doesn't even try to hide it.
The report was that the baby was born 4 weeks early (although some have reservations that she lied about her due date) and that he was 5 pounds 3 oz. When the picture was shared, he looked smaller than that. About as big as the palm of her hand, but maybe I'm exaggerating.
I don't understand why IN TODAY'S WORLD, with all the knowledge we have, someone would continue smoking HEAVILY throughout their pregnancy. I'm not talking about the person who just can't seem to quit and still has one a day (even though I'm against that), I'm talking about this broad who went out for her 4 breaks to smoke in front of the building, smoked at lunch, smoked in her car before and after work. She also drinks Mt. Dew like it's going out of style, but that isn't as bad as trapping a baby in a smoke filled bubble for 9 months.
How is it that people like her can get pregnant 3 times, but Patrick and I are going to struggle to have a baby? We have accepted the fact that we might not be able to have kids, and that's what makes watching her do that to a helpless baby worse. I KNOW I wouldn't do those things to my body, or my baby, so why do I have to be the one who has problems? If I'm able to get pregnant it will be a blessing, and I pray that God has it in our paths to bring children into our lives, but I can't help but judge someone who knowingly, purposefully and willingly harms their children like that and then brags about how small her babies were when they were born.
So, Lynda reported yesterday that Sonia (whom I refer to as "Pregnant Girl") had her baby this past weekend. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not. Sonia is the pregnant girl who blatently sits in front of the office 6-7 times a day SMOKING when she's OUT TO HERE pregnant. I realize that it's none of my business, but give me a break. She doesn't even try to hide it.
The report was that the baby was born 4 weeks early (although some have reservations that she lied about her due date) and that he was 5 pounds 3 oz. When the picture was shared, he looked smaller than that. About as big as the palm of her hand, but maybe I'm exaggerating.
I don't understand why IN TODAY'S WORLD, with all the knowledge we have, someone would continue smoking HEAVILY throughout their pregnancy. I'm not talking about the person who just can't seem to quit and still has one a day (even though I'm against that), I'm talking about this broad who went out for her 4 breaks to smoke in front of the building, smoked at lunch, smoked in her car before and after work. She also drinks Mt. Dew like it's going out of style, but that isn't as bad as trapping a baby in a smoke filled bubble for 9 months.
How is it that people like her can get pregnant 3 times, but Patrick and I are going to struggle to have a baby? We have accepted the fact that we might not be able to have kids, and that's what makes watching her do that to a helpless baby worse. I KNOW I wouldn't do those things to my body, or my baby, so why do I have to be the one who has problems? If I'm able to get pregnant it will be a blessing, and I pray that God has it in our paths to bring children into our lives, but I can't help but judge someone who knowingly, purposefully and willingly harms their children like that and then brags about how small her babies were when they were born.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Holy Humidity, Batman...
Gotta love living in the "South". All weekend the temperatures were in the 105+ range with the humidity. The second you walk outside you're covered in sweat. I'm trying so hard not to complain, but really, it's damn hot out there. It's going to be another hot one again today, and Patrick has a softball game tonight. My water bill is going to skyrocket since we have to take 2 showers a day now!
This weekend was fun and relaxing. We rode the rides at Busch Gardens on Friday night, and Patrick made me ride in the front on every ride but "Apollo's Charriot". I screamed like a little bitch, too. I'll never admit it to him, but it was kind of fun even though it was terrifying! Saturday we were at Water Country again. I *love* that place. Who needs the beach when you've got the lazy river and the wave pool! After that, we were in White Stone for dinner with Ryan and Shannon, and I got to hold McKynzi for the first time. Good GOD, I love that baby! She is so sweet, and hugable. She just lit up when Patrick held her, too. Had to get through some BAD t-stroms to get there though. I love a t-storm, but these were crazy!
Tanya called on Saturday to tell me that Shane reported to them that Becky told him I called her and yelled at her for an hour the other night. (Sounds JUST like high school, right?). I felt like I had to defend myself because that is NOT what happened. I called Shane right away and told him I knew I didn't need to explain myself but that I didn't yell at Becky until she commented that WE had dropped her and that HE joined in on the party. I told him exactly how I felt, too. I told him that she is cold and uncaring and she's different than she was. I told him that I didn't want to be friends with this person because she just didn't care. He was fine with the situation and said that I had a realtionship with her outside of them, so it was my right to talk to her and find out what was going on. I just hope I didn't cause him any more strife than necessary.
On to work...another wonderful week ahead. (Insert sarcasm here).
This weekend was fun and relaxing. We rode the rides at Busch Gardens on Friday night, and Patrick made me ride in the front on every ride but "Apollo's Charriot". I screamed like a little bitch, too. I'll never admit it to him, but it was kind of fun even though it was terrifying! Saturday we were at Water Country again. I *love* that place. Who needs the beach when you've got the lazy river and the wave pool! After that, we were in White Stone for dinner with Ryan and Shannon, and I got to hold McKynzi for the first time. Good GOD, I love that baby! She is so sweet, and hugable. She just lit up when Patrick held her, too. Had to get through some BAD t-stroms to get there though. I love a t-storm, but these were crazy!
Tanya called on Saturday to tell me that Shane reported to them that Becky told him I called her and yelled at her for an hour the other night. (Sounds JUST like high school, right?). I felt like I had to defend myself because that is NOT what happened. I called Shane right away and told him I knew I didn't need to explain myself but that I didn't yell at Becky until she commented that WE had dropped her and that HE joined in on the party. I told him exactly how I felt, too. I told him that she is cold and uncaring and she's different than she was. I told him that I didn't want to be friends with this person because she just didn't care. He was fine with the situation and said that I had a realtionship with her outside of them, so it was my right to talk to her and find out what was going on. I just hope I didn't cause him any more strife than necessary.
On to work...another wonderful week ahead. (Insert sarcasm here).
Friday, July 15, 2005
Are You Delusional???
For some reason or another, one I haven't figured out just yet, I decided to call Becky on my commute home yesterday. I'd had a bad day at work, I was frustrated and I figured she wouldn't answer her phone anyway. So, I did it. Lo and behold, she answers. I remember that my cell phone has changed since the last time I called her, so I guess that's why she took the call.
I told her I wasn't sure why I was calling, but that I didn't want to fight. I told her I needed closure to this situation because I don't like to leave things unsaid. I explained that I didn't feel that I had done anything to deserve being ignored and eventually dropped. She began to say that her life just got "crazy" and her marriage was falling apart, and that caused her a lot of pain. I interrupted her to tell her that I had NO CLUE that she was going through this. She never included me in that portion of her life. She cut me out completely, so how was I to know what was happening? I was leaving 2-3 messages a week for her. I made myself MORE than available to her, but she chose to leave me out of that.
She explained that NO ONE knew what was happening. She didn't even tell her Mom what was going on with her marriage. I assured her that if I had known I would have done something to help, but she chose this path, not me. She went on to play the victim - poor Becky who's life fell out from underneath her. Funny that she was the one who did this to her husband and friends, but her life FELL OUT from underneath her.
She honestly believes that the messages I left her when I finally got upset were nasty. My first message was lighthearted and I only said I missed her and was worried about her -- and that I was starting to get upset, but that we promised we'd nip in before we let it get out of hand. The second message - a fuckin week later after no response - WASN'T EVEN nasty, but to the point. She felt as though I was "yelling at her". Give me a fuckin break.
At this point, I'm crying and telling her that we'd had 8 years of friendship and that if she wanted it to be over all she needed to do was tell me. She said our friendship was TOO HARD. She "always" said the wrong things to me. I reminded her that she made ONE comment that hurt my feelings, but I thought we had worked through it. She said that our friendship had been difficult for years - I said it was news to me.
I then asked her if she could leave this friendship knowing she had done the right thing. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I asked her if she really believed she handled this maturely. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I told her I didn't agree. She didn't return my calls for months and when I let her know that I was starting to get upset (and gave her the fucking chance to help make it right) she ignored me. She went on and on about how her life fell out from underneath her. How things were so bad with Shane, and she didn't know it till the end. How she didn't want to tell anyone because she was ashamed.
Then she said "My friends just dropped me like I was nothing. The 4 of you just chose to leave me out". WHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????!!!!?????? I struggled for a minute with how to handle that statement. I thought, for a quick second, that I would just let her talk and think that. Then I remembered that this is how she turns everything around on everyone else and I didn't want to enable her to keep that going. I said "Did you just say that WE left YOU out?" And she responded "Yes, my life changed and you guys abandoned me." ?????? I said "Didn't you just SAY that NO ONE KNEW what was going on in your life? So HOW did we abandon you when we were the ones who kept trying with NOTHING from you??" She says "I had to start over with new friends who cared about me." (And she was serious when she was saying this). My response to her was "ARE YOU DELUSIONAL??"
That ended the call quickly, but at that point I KNEW there was no saving this friendship. The person I was talking to was cold, callus and uncaring. Even through my tears I could hear that she wholeheartedly thinks that she's the victim in this situation. She isn't the person I was friends with for 8 years. This person is different. This person doesn't deserve friends like Tanya and me.
I will ALWAYS own up to my mistakes and take responsiblity for my actions because that is what adults do. However, I did all I could in this situation and can walk away knowing that I didn't do anything wrong.
Hope she has a nice life.
I told her I wasn't sure why I was calling, but that I didn't want to fight. I told her I needed closure to this situation because I don't like to leave things unsaid. I explained that I didn't feel that I had done anything to deserve being ignored and eventually dropped. She began to say that her life just got "crazy" and her marriage was falling apart, and that caused her a lot of pain. I interrupted her to tell her that I had NO CLUE that she was going through this. She never included me in that portion of her life. She cut me out completely, so how was I to know what was happening? I was leaving 2-3 messages a week for her. I made myself MORE than available to her, but she chose to leave me out of that.
She explained that NO ONE knew what was happening. She didn't even tell her Mom what was going on with her marriage. I assured her that if I had known I would have done something to help, but she chose this path, not me. She went on to play the victim - poor Becky who's life fell out from underneath her. Funny that she was the one who did this to her husband and friends, but her life FELL OUT from underneath her.
She honestly believes that the messages I left her when I finally got upset were nasty. My first message was lighthearted and I only said I missed her and was worried about her -- and that I was starting to get upset, but that we promised we'd nip in before we let it get out of hand. The second message - a fuckin week later after no response - WASN'T EVEN nasty, but to the point. She felt as though I was "yelling at her". Give me a fuckin break.
At this point, I'm crying and telling her that we'd had 8 years of friendship and that if she wanted it to be over all she needed to do was tell me. She said our friendship was TOO HARD. She "always" said the wrong things to me. I reminded her that she made ONE comment that hurt my feelings, but I thought we had worked through it. She said that our friendship had been difficult for years - I said it was news to me.
I then asked her if she could leave this friendship knowing she had done the right thing. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I asked her if she really believed she handled this maturely. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I told her I didn't agree. She didn't return my calls for months and when I let her know that I was starting to get upset (and gave her the fucking chance to help make it right) she ignored me. She went on and on about how her life fell out from underneath her. How things were so bad with Shane, and she didn't know it till the end. How she didn't want to tell anyone because she was ashamed.
Then she said "My friends just dropped me like I was nothing. The 4 of you just chose to leave me out". WHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????!!!!?????? I struggled for a minute with how to handle that statement. I thought, for a quick second, that I would just let her talk and think that. Then I remembered that this is how she turns everything around on everyone else and I didn't want to enable her to keep that going. I said "Did you just say that WE left YOU out?" And she responded "Yes, my life changed and you guys abandoned me." ?????? I said "Didn't you just SAY that NO ONE KNEW what was going on in your life? So HOW did we abandon you when we were the ones who kept trying with NOTHING from you??" She says "I had to start over with new friends who cared about me." (And she was serious when she was saying this). My response to her was "ARE YOU DELUSIONAL??"
That ended the call quickly, but at that point I KNEW there was no saving this friendship. The person I was talking to was cold, callus and uncaring. Even through my tears I could hear that she wholeheartedly thinks that she's the victim in this situation. She isn't the person I was friends with for 8 years. This person is different. This person doesn't deserve friends like Tanya and me.
I will ALWAYS own up to my mistakes and take responsiblity for my actions because that is what adults do. However, I did all I could in this situation and can walk away knowing that I didn't do anything wrong.
Hope she has a nice life.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Is it Friday yet?
I am hoping that today flies by rather quickly. It's not that work is going that bad or anything, but you can cut the tension with a knife and it's starting to tick me off. Everyone has their own ideas of how to do everyone elses job. Frustration levels are running high and when you have 5 bull-headed women in one place, there's bound to be some snapping and hurt feelings.
I am trying to be consistent with my job and how I feel. I sometimes think I'm stuck in the middle because I can see the other AM's feel, but also how the QM is dealing with it all. I discussed with Marti (QM) yesterday that I *don't* always feel overwhelmed like others do and it's because I do my job, do it right, and don't waste time while doing it. So sue me if it gives me extra time, but don't snap at me because your work day is spent in other ways.
Tonight, I'm going to relax on the couch with my honey and try to forget about it. I just have to get through being there a full day without pulling my hair out of my head.
I am trying to be consistent with my job and how I feel. I sometimes think I'm stuck in the middle because I can see the other AM's feel, but also how the QM is dealing with it all. I discussed with Marti (QM) yesterday that I *don't* always feel overwhelmed like others do and it's because I do my job, do it right, and don't waste time while doing it. So sue me if it gives me extra time, but don't snap at me because your work day is spent in other ways.
Tonight, I'm going to relax on the couch with my honey and try to forget about it. I just have to get through being there a full day without pulling my hair out of my head.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Sweet Entertainment...
If you ever think your life is bad - watch an episode of "Cops" to make yourself feel better. Seriously. It's entertainment and therapy all rolled into one.
Be thankful that you have all your teeth and you aren't being thrown down on the ground and getting busted in the head by a nightstick. Be thankful that your home is clean and that your family doesn't have holes in their shoes. Be glad your name isn't Bubba Joe.
ANYONE can find something in their life that's good after watching an episode of "Cops".
Be thankful that you have all your teeth and you aren't being thrown down on the ground and getting busted in the head by a nightstick. Be thankful that your home is clean and that your family doesn't have holes in their shoes. Be glad your name isn't Bubba Joe.
ANYONE can find something in their life that's good after watching an episode of "Cops".
Remembering old times
The other night, I talked to Maria on IM for a little while. I don't think I've talked to her in almost 4 years. The last time I saw her was at Dad's funeral, but I'm not sure if I've gotten the chance to talk to her since then. It was great to catch up on each other's lives (even if it was brief).
After talking to her, I realized that I really haven't kept in contact with anyone from high school. I get to talk to Brian occasionally, but other than that I've lost touch with everyone. She still talks to and hangs out with most of her high school friends, so it made me wonder if I'm to blame for not keeping in contact. Heather and Kelly were guests at my wedding, but I have no idea where they're at right now or what they're doing. I don't know what Erik is up to. I knew Kashat was still at home a few years back, but have no idea now what's going on in her life. I guess I'm the bad friend since I'm the one who moved out of state and never tried to keep up. Shame on me.
In any case, it was wonderful to catch up with her. I remembered the "old days" when we played softball together, and we hung out all the time with our boyfriends (ugh) and we went to Joe Vision for the playoffs. I've read her blog and have seen her pictures and I can't believe how stunning she is. I mean - I CAN believe it...but you know someone for so many years and when they go from being a cute teenager to a drop dead gorgeous adult, it's very cool. I hope we can keep in better touch. :)
After talking to her, I realized that I really haven't kept in contact with anyone from high school. I get to talk to Brian occasionally, but other than that I've lost touch with everyone. She still talks to and hangs out with most of her high school friends, so it made me wonder if I'm to blame for not keeping in contact. Heather and Kelly were guests at my wedding, but I have no idea where they're at right now or what they're doing. I don't know what Erik is up to. I knew Kashat was still at home a few years back, but have no idea now what's going on in her life. I guess I'm the bad friend since I'm the one who moved out of state and never tried to keep up. Shame on me.
In any case, it was wonderful to catch up with her. I remembered the "old days" when we played softball together, and we hung out all the time with our boyfriends (ugh) and we went to Joe Vision for the playoffs. I've read her blog and have seen her pictures and I can't believe how stunning she is. I mean - I CAN believe it...but you know someone for so many years and when they go from being a cute teenager to a drop dead gorgeous adult, it's very cool. I hope we can keep in better touch. :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Dreaming...
Last night I had a dream about Dad. I don't seem to dream about him as much as I used to anymore, and I can't figure out why. I think about him all the time, so it's not like he's not on my mind. But, when I do dream of him it's so vivid that I wake up thinking that he's still here. Sometimes it takes me a minute before I come out of my haze and realize that it's been 3.5 years since he was here.
Some days are harder than others, especially when you wake up after dreaming about him. Those days are rough. I still have my moments, even this long after, where I can't shake the tears and I can't shake the sadness. There are times when I think I take steps back instead of forward. Sometimes I get so angry at him for leaving us. I KNOW it wasn't his fault, and I KNOW it's not rational, but there are all these events going on in our lives and it SUCKS not to have him here. I think he'd be so proud of how far Patrick and I have come in 5 years of marriage. I think he'd be ecstatic about where Patrick stands in the CG. And then I think about what he's missing from Doug's life and it's more than I can bear.
I miss him so much. A big piece of me died the day he left this earth, and I will never get that piece back.
Some days are harder than others, especially when you wake up after dreaming about him. Those days are rough. I still have my moments, even this long after, where I can't shake the tears and I can't shake the sadness. There are times when I think I take steps back instead of forward. Sometimes I get so angry at him for leaving us. I KNOW it wasn't his fault, and I KNOW it's not rational, but there are all these events going on in our lives and it SUCKS not to have him here. I think he'd be so proud of how far Patrick and I have come in 5 years of marriage. I think he'd be ecstatic about where Patrick stands in the CG. And then I think about what he's missing from Doug's life and it's more than I can bear.
I miss him so much. A big piece of me died the day he left this earth, and I will never get that piece back.
Monday, July 11, 2005
I love our dog...
Seriously. Who wouldn't love this face?
This dog has the ability to turn a bad day into a good one JUST by climbing in your lap and kissing your cheek. Yes, I know he's entirely too big to be in anyone's lap...but how could you NOT let him? He's SO damn cute!
We often wonder what his life would be like now if we weren't the ones who adopted him. Would he get to sleep on the couch? Would he get to sneak into bed with his family? Would he get constant love and attention and be treated like a human child??
God, I LOVE that dog!
This dog has the ability to turn a bad day into a good one JUST by climbing in your lap and kissing your cheek. Yes, I know he's entirely too big to be in anyone's lap...but how could you NOT let him? He's SO damn cute!
We often wonder what his life would be like now if we weren't the ones who adopted him. Would he get to sleep on the couch? Would he get to sneak into bed with his family? Would he get constant love and attention and be treated like a human child??
God, I LOVE that dog!
Friday, July 08, 2005
How is it?
Have you ever woken up one morning and thought to yourself, "Gee, I'm just too good for my life! I'm going to drop my best friends, and end my marriage just because I CAN!"? Yeah...me neither.
My best friend of 8 years did just that. Happily married to a wondeful man who gave her the world, and she just decides that she no longer has "anything to give" him. She also decided that she didn't need her two best friends either, and after all that we've been through, she drops us like hot cakes.
This is us just 8 months ago. Tanya, the glowing Bride, Becky the Maid of Honor, and me the Bridesmaid. How is it that you can go from being someone's Maid of Honor to completely dropping them for no reason? How is it that the people who care about you the most in the world suddenly become insignificant to you?
This whole thing has me thrown for a loop. Some days I'm angry, hurt, pissed off. Others I just feel so sad that a great 8 year friendship is over with and I did nothing to deserve it. I didn't even have a say. I didn't even get the chance to try to help make it better for her.
Oh well...it's her choice...and her loss.
My best friend of 8 years did just that. Happily married to a wondeful man who gave her the world, and she just decides that she no longer has "anything to give" him. She also decided that she didn't need her two best friends either, and after all that we've been through, she drops us like hot cakes.
This is us just 8 months ago. Tanya, the glowing Bride, Becky the Maid of Honor, and me the Bridesmaid. How is it that you can go from being someone's Maid of Honor to completely dropping them for no reason? How is it that the people who care about you the most in the world suddenly become insignificant to you?
This whole thing has me thrown for a loop. Some days I'm angry, hurt, pissed off. Others I just feel so sad that a great 8 year friendship is over with and I did nothing to deserve it. I didn't even have a say. I didn't even get the chance to try to help make it better for her.
Oh well...it's her choice...and her loss.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Still going...
August 26th will be our 5th anniversary. 5 YEARS! It's so hard to believe that it's been almost 5 years since we got married. Whenever we say it we giggle like little kids. How amazing is it to be married to your best friend and be two of the happiest people around? I wake up everyday of my life and thank God that I have Patrick. We have come a long way since our wedding day, but I wouldn't give any of it up or take any of it back for the world.
One day, I was talking to Patrick at work and he said "I miss you" and I said "I miss you, too". Shortly after we hung up, Marti says to me "Aw, when's the last time you saw Patrick?" I said "This morning before work." She replies "Is he not going to be home tonight?" I said "No, he'll be there when I get home." Her mouth dropped open in surprise and said "So, you miss him just because you're not together when you're at work???" - "Well, of course. I miss him whenever we're not together." And she rolls her eyes.
I don't understand why it's so hard to fathom that two people could love each other so much that they truly miss each other when they're not together. We've spent more than half of our marriage apart from each other because of the Coast Guard. And while I'm thankful for the life that we have, it SUCKS to spend that much time alone. Now that we can be together all the time, we're going to cherish it while it lasts (2008 is going to come too fast and who KNOWS where we'll be next).
He is my heart and soul. He is the reason I get up in the morning. He is my best friend. He treats me like a queen even when I don't deserve it.
5 years sometimes seems so short a time.
One day, I was talking to Patrick at work and he said "I miss you" and I said "I miss you, too". Shortly after we hung up, Marti says to me "Aw, when's the last time you saw Patrick?" I said "This morning before work." She replies "Is he not going to be home tonight?" I said "No, he'll be there when I get home." Her mouth dropped open in surprise and said "So, you miss him just because you're not together when you're at work???" - "Well, of course. I miss him whenever we're not together." And she rolls her eyes.
I don't understand why it's so hard to fathom that two people could love each other so much that they truly miss each other when they're not together. We've spent more than half of our marriage apart from each other because of the Coast Guard. And while I'm thankful for the life that we have, it SUCKS to spend that much time alone. Now that we can be together all the time, we're going to cherish it while it lasts (2008 is going to come too fast and who KNOWS where we'll be next).
He is my heart and soul. He is the reason I get up in the morning. He is my best friend. He treats me like a queen even when I don't deserve it.
5 years sometimes seems so short a time.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Is it time to retire yet?
This getting up every morning thing is getting old. Yesterday was just a big ol' CF at work. It went as "well" as I thought it would, which is pretty bad. The good news is that the day went by faster than it has in 3 months, but that's no consolation when you're so swamped you can barely breathe. I have a big prospect coming in tomorrow, and I'm tempted to just call in sick cause I don't want to deal with it. I didn't take this job to sell, I took it to be an Account Manager. I feel like I got the whole "Bait and Switch" thing thrown at me. Now I'm 3 months into working and it all changes. My department makes things 8 times harder than they have to be, and now they're making us triplicate (is that a word?) our work, which to me is a waste of time.
After shopping at the commissary, we get home to make dinner and the phone rings. Oops, softball coach forgot to tell us we had a playoff game last night. We stuffed sandwhiches in our mouths and ran out the door. The game was fun, and it was close for a while, but that usual "something" came over us and we couldn't get it together. However, it was the most fun I've had playing softball in all my life. I didn't use to associate softball with fun, it was always work. If we can lose and have a good time, who cares? (Plus, I went 2 for 3 last night and got 2 on the "unstoppable" shortstop!).
I told Patrick we were going this weekend to buy a new digital camera. I'm dying without mine. I feel like the picture queen, cause I have about 7000 pictures on this computer from EVERYTHING...and for the last 4 months I have NOTHING. I'm just going to bite the bullet and pay for a new one. I also want more pictures of our time here because I'm thinking about making a scrapbook for Patrick for our 5 year anniversary. Well, the scrapbook would be for both of us, but would be my gift to him.
Another day, another dollar. Let's hope this one goes by quickly.
After shopping at the commissary, we get home to make dinner and the phone rings. Oops, softball coach forgot to tell us we had a playoff game last night. We stuffed sandwhiches in our mouths and ran out the door. The game was fun, and it was close for a while, but that usual "something" came over us and we couldn't get it together. However, it was the most fun I've had playing softball in all my life. I didn't use to associate softball with fun, it was always work. If we can lose and have a good time, who cares? (Plus, I went 2 for 3 last night and got 2 on the "unstoppable" shortstop!).
I told Patrick we were going this weekend to buy a new digital camera. I'm dying without mine. I feel like the picture queen, cause I have about 7000 pictures on this computer from EVERYTHING...and for the last 4 months I have NOTHING. I'm just going to bite the bullet and pay for a new one. I also want more pictures of our time here because I'm thinking about making a scrapbook for Patrick for our 5 year anniversary. Well, the scrapbook would be for both of us, but would be my gift to him.
Another day, another dollar. Let's hope this one goes by quickly.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Today is the dreaded July 5.
Why is it dreaded, you ask? Because today at work is the switch over when we all take Marti's alphabet and she becomes a QM (Quality Manager) and we all stay AM (Account Manager). I am dragging my heels this morning, not wanting to go into work because I know how crazy the day will be. They keep saying that things will go smoothly, but I don't know how adding 500 clients to my already stacked accounts will go smoothly?? I keep thinking - "Ride it out, Leah...the end result will be okay", but I have no idea how this all will affect my job. Patrick is just as crazy at work, so we have decided to make sure to leave the BS at the job and focus on each other when we're home. Pretty good plan if you ask me. ;)
It is another hot and humid day here in VA. The weekend was perfect weather for laying by the pool, which we did on Saturday. I'm trying seriously hard to keep up this tan, but it's getting harder by the day. I wish I was lifeguarding again because BOY did I have a great tan then. I wonder if they still have Beechwoods pool closed?
Saturday, Patrick decided he wanted to jump off the Weight Watchers bandwagon and go to IHOP for breakfast. After breakfast we were leaving the restaurant and noticed the apartments we had found the night before on the internet. We decided to take a drive around the complex and see if we could get a walk through of a model. This place was AWESOME, lemme tell you. We'd get a fireplace (I've always wanted one) in the apartment, there's a hot tub in the complex that's open year round (Patrick was drooling over that one!), the pool is spectacular and the apartments are much bigger than this place. It's slighly more than this place, but we don't care because we'd get much more for our money there. The 1BR apartment had more storage than this place alone! Plus, they have a car washing station with a vacuum, that'll save over $20 a month alone since this place doesn't have that!
Tonight we're either going to Busch Gardens or Water Country to relax after work. Those season passes were the best idea ever. Gotta love Virginia!
It is another hot and humid day here in VA. The weekend was perfect weather for laying by the pool, which we did on Saturday. I'm trying seriously hard to keep up this tan, but it's getting harder by the day. I wish I was lifeguarding again because BOY did I have a great tan then. I wonder if they still have Beechwoods pool closed?
Saturday, Patrick decided he wanted to jump off the Weight Watchers bandwagon and go to IHOP for breakfast. After breakfast we were leaving the restaurant and noticed the apartments we had found the night before on the internet. We decided to take a drive around the complex and see if we could get a walk through of a model. This place was AWESOME, lemme tell you. We'd get a fireplace (I've always wanted one) in the apartment, there's a hot tub in the complex that's open year round (Patrick was drooling over that one!), the pool is spectacular and the apartments are much bigger than this place. It's slighly more than this place, but we don't care because we'd get much more for our money there. The 1BR apartment had more storage than this place alone! Plus, they have a car washing station with a vacuum, that'll save over $20 a month alone since this place doesn't have that!
Tonight we're either going to Busch Gardens or Water Country to relax after work. Those season passes were the best idea ever. Gotta love Virginia!
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