Are You Delusional???

For some reason or another, one I haven't figured out just yet, I decided to call Becky on my commute home yesterday. I'd had a bad day at work, I was frustrated and I figured she wouldn't answer her phone anyway. So, I did it. Lo and behold, she answers. I remember that my cell phone has changed since the last time I called her, so I guess that's why she took the call.

I told her I wasn't sure why I was calling, but that I didn't want to fight. I told her I needed closure to this situation because I don't like to leave things unsaid. I explained that I didn't feel that I had done anything to deserve being ignored and eventually dropped. She began to say that her life just got "crazy" and her marriage was falling apart, and that caused her a lot of pain. I interrupted her to tell her that I had NO CLUE that she was going through this. She never included me in that portion of her life. She cut me out completely, so how was I to know what was happening? I was leaving 2-3 messages a week for her. I made myself MORE than available to her, but she chose to leave me out of that.

She explained that NO ONE knew what was happening. She didn't even tell her Mom what was going on with her marriage. I assured her that if I had known I would have done something to help, but she chose this path, not me. She went on to play the victim - poor Becky who's life fell out from underneath her. Funny that she was the one who did this to her husband and friends, but her life FELL OUT from underneath her.

She honestly believes that the messages I left her when I finally got upset were nasty. My first message was lighthearted and I only said I missed her and was worried about her -- and that I was starting to get upset, but that we promised we'd nip in before we let it get out of hand. The second message - a fuckin week later after no response - WASN'T EVEN nasty, but to the point. She felt as though I was "yelling at her". Give me a fuckin break.

At this point, I'm crying and telling her that we'd had 8 years of friendship and that if she wanted it to be over all she needed to do was tell me. She said our friendship was TOO HARD. She "always" said the wrong things to me. I reminded her that she made ONE comment that hurt my feelings, but I thought we had worked through it. She said that our friendship had been difficult for years - I said it was news to me.

I then asked her if she could leave this friendship knowing she had done the right thing. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I asked her if she really believed she handled this maturely. Her response was a flat out "Yes". I told her I didn't agree. She didn't return my calls for months and when I let her know that I was starting to get upset (and gave her the fucking chance to help make it right) she ignored me. She went on and on about how her life fell out from underneath her. How things were so bad with Shane, and she didn't know it till the end. How she didn't want to tell anyone because she was ashamed.

Then she said "My friends just dropped me like I was nothing. The 4 of you just chose to leave me out". WHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????!!!!?????? I struggled for a minute with how to handle that statement. I thought, for a quick second, that I would just let her talk and think that. Then I remembered that this is how she turns everything around on everyone else and I didn't want to enable her to keep that going. I said "Did you just say that WE left YOU out?" And she responded "Yes, my life changed and you guys abandoned me." ?????? I said "Didn't you just SAY that NO ONE KNEW what was going on in your life? So HOW did we abandon you when we were the ones who kept trying with NOTHING from you??" She says "I had to start over with new friends who cared about me." (And she was serious when she was saying this). My response to her was "ARE YOU DELUSIONAL??"

That ended the call quickly, but at that point I KNEW there was no saving this friendship. The person I was talking to was cold, callus and uncaring. Even through my tears I could hear that she wholeheartedly thinks that she's the victim in this situation. She isn't the person I was friends with for 8 years. This person is different. This person doesn't deserve friends like Tanya and me.

I will ALWAYS own up to my mistakes and take responsiblity for my actions because that is what adults do. However, I did all I could in this situation and can walk away knowing that I didn't do anything wrong.

Hope she has a nice life.