Veins and Vanity...

Seven weeks into this pregnancy and I can count myself pretty lucky so far.  I am only nauseous for a few minutes in the morning, and have only had one "episode" of throwing up.  The only major complaint I have had is the bloating.  Holy cow, talk about not fitting in your clothes.  Sometimes during the day if you catch a glimpse at me, you may think I'm about 5 months along.  Thankfully, with some rest and some good gas pills, I seem to deflate overnight. 

 

One of the other joys of realizing that my body is no longer mine, besides the complete and total fatigue, is the "road map of America" that has popped up on my skin.  Particularly my chest.  Blue veins are prominent, and if you look closely, you may be able to use that area to get you from Tulsa to San Antonio.  Who knew that this was a symptom??

 

Pregnancy is not the time for vanity, but it is a hard thing to overcome.  I have worked long and hard to keep the 50 pounds I lost off my frame, and while I know that I'm not perfect, the weight gain and body changes are a little hard for me to handle.  I can hear "Fat Leah" screaming to get out, saying encouraging things like "Doesn't that plate of cheese fries look incredible??!" or "That Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese is calling our name!".  I thought I had killed her for good, but I know she's in there dying to get out as my ass spreads and my legs get thicker.  She knows what my temptations are (pizza, garlic bread, fries, hot dogs, etc) and she is not afraid to use them.  I refuse to be the kind of pregnant woman who divulges into every want and uses this time to eat what she pleases.  I KNOW how hard it is to get that weight off, and I can't do that to myself again.

 

My clothes are already fitting a little tighter than usual.  My snug size 4 jeans have been tossed aside to prevent further bloating, and I'm comfortably in my 6's for the time being.  The 4's just seem to make me swell up faster, thanks to their hugging my every curve.  I'm all about comfort right now, and am living in my elastic waistband shorts, skirts and pants.  Oversized t-shirts are my best friends.  I'm not ready to purchase any maternity clothes yet, so if I can wear it and be comfortable, it's still being worn.

 

This is such a wonderful time in our lives, and I am enjoying every minute I possibly can.  I am pretty irritable, and watching Nick Lachey on MTV the other day made me cry, but this is one of the most exciting things I will ever experience as a woman.  I am so blessed to have this opportunity, especially after all the years we worried that it may never happen.

 

Ultrasound coming up on May 4th! 

 

 

Utter Exhaustion

It's hard for me to even keep my eyes open long enough to type this entry.  Even now, my upper lids feel heavy and are begging to make contact with the lower lids so that they may rest.  However, this is not something that I am complaining about.  In fact, along with the nausea I felt this morning, these are welcome symptoms of the "condition" I am currently in.  These are things I actually prayed to be feeling, if you can possibly imagine it.  Yes, boys and girls, I am FINALLY pregnant! 

 

This was confirmed on Tuesday April 4th and I just knew when I woke up that I needed to take the test to prove to myself that what I had been feeling were not actually pregnancy symptoms.  They HAD to be phantom symptoms that I had dreamed up.  In fact, the day before at my physicians office for an appointment for my UTI (yuck), I was told that I wasn't pregnant; however, the Nurse I spoke with said that it was still possible since I didn't have a good "quality sample" to give due to my condition on that day.  After Patrick left for work on Tuesday morning, I dragged myself out of bed and took the home test.  As I was undressing to get in the shower, I kept peeking at the test that wasn't actually ready to be viewed.  I jumped in the shower just KNOWING that it was going to be negative.  I took the fastest shower in the history of showers, not even stopping to shave my legs.  When I got out and looked that the test sitting on the sink, it was like a light shined down from heaven to highlight the beautiful second line confirming, in fact, I was pregnant. 

 

I had to wait the entire day before I told Patrick, because I refused to tell him on the phone.  I rushed home after work to tell him in my own "special" way by placing a hamburger bun in the oven (get it "bun in the oven"?).  After telling him I wanted to make a pineapple cake and needed a specific pan to do so, I sent him on a search to find it.  He looked in all the cabinets and kept pulling out various pans asking if I meant that one.  "Nope, it's bigger than that," or "Nope, it's smaller than that," and I kept saying "Did you check the oven?".  He adamantly told me it wasn't there, but I begged him to look anyway.  He pulled open the oven and replied "Nope, no pan...but there's a hamburger bun in here."  I said "A what?", and he said "A hamburger bun."  I replied, "Where?", "In the oven," he said, pointing to it as if it was meant to be there.  I said "WHAT?" trying to act surprised.  "There's a HAMBURGER BUN IN THE OVEN!"  He shouted.  "A hamburger what?" I replied.  "Bun." he said.  "Where?" "In the oven!" he said.  I pulled the pregnancy tests out of my pocket and said "No kidding, there's a bun in the oven?"  His jaw dropped open in amazement and he immediately picked me up to hug and kiss me. 

 

I am almost 6 weeks along, and almost past the "milestone" of where I lost the last baby.  I still worry at every twinge I feel, and I will until I'm past my first trimester.  We decided to share our news early this time as we felt that the power of prayer and positivity can definitely be of help.  A lot of people think we're crazy for doing so, but if more people send up prayers for this little bean, what's the harm?  Plus, telling people we were having a miscarriage before being able to say we were pregnant last time was physically and emotionally one of the worst things we had ever done.

 

I am due December 14th, 2006, just 3 days after my Mom's 50th birthday.  My Dad made me promise he would be past 50 when we had our first kid, and he would have been 52 this year, so I think I held up my end of our bargain fairly well.  I also made the promise that we wouldn't use the name Lawrence (his first) for our boy if we ever had one.  I will keep that promise, too.The funny thing is that we'll have been married for over 6 years when this baby gets here!  That's forever compared to most marriages.  :) 

 

I cannot wait for the sleepless nights, the 2 am feedings, the diaper changes and for this little one to look at me and smile.  There is so much to look forward to now and I think the next 8 months will go by very slowly.  I thought I was so disappointed in myself for not having finished my degree yet, but I realize now that the only job I really want is to be a Mommy. 

 

 

Spring has sprung!

Even after one of the mildest winters I've ever experienced, it is still nice to welcome spring. The weather yesterday was in the 80's, the sun shined, the wind blew warm breezes and I, for one, enjoyed every second of it. I think today I may go out in the neighborhood and take some pictures of the trees in bloom. I don't fancy myself a photographer by any means, but I do love to record life so when I'm old, I have a lot to remember.

There is not much to report on this end of life. We're still alive and kicking, so that's good. We have our trip to Michigan coming up in less than 2 months, and I cannot wait for that week to come. My baby brother is graduating high school. How freaking weird is that? I can't get over it.

Work is as stressful as ever. They decided to announce to the whole office that Matt was leaving our dept to go to Commercial Lines. The worst part is that they called it a "promotion" when we do more work than the CL girls do - and not to mention this was out of the clear blue and no one gave us a heads up. Every last girl in my department is ticked off at how this was handled. We're like the red-headed step children of the agency, and frankly, I'm tired of being disrespected.

Today we're meeting the Dawsons for lunch, working in the yard and going to Youth Group. We're skipping church today because rumor has it that Pastor Hank won't be there and neither of us likes it when the associate Pastor does the service. ;0) Oooohh...we're bad Christians! :)