Utter Exhaustion

It's hard for me to even keep my eyes open long enough to type this entry.  Even now, my upper lids feel heavy and are begging to make contact with the lower lids so that they may rest.  However, this is not something that I am complaining about.  In fact, along with the nausea I felt this morning, these are welcome symptoms of the "condition" I am currently in.  These are things I actually prayed to be feeling, if you can possibly imagine it.  Yes, boys and girls, I am FINALLY pregnant! 

 

This was confirmed on Tuesday April 4th and I just knew when I woke up that I needed to take the test to prove to myself that what I had been feeling were not actually pregnancy symptoms.  They HAD to be phantom symptoms that I had dreamed up.  In fact, the day before at my physicians office for an appointment for my UTI (yuck), I was told that I wasn't pregnant; however, the Nurse I spoke with said that it was still possible since I didn't have a good "quality sample" to give due to my condition on that day.  After Patrick left for work on Tuesday morning, I dragged myself out of bed and took the home test.  As I was undressing to get in the shower, I kept peeking at the test that wasn't actually ready to be viewed.  I jumped in the shower just KNOWING that it was going to be negative.  I took the fastest shower in the history of showers, not even stopping to shave my legs.  When I got out and looked that the test sitting on the sink, it was like a light shined down from heaven to highlight the beautiful second line confirming, in fact, I was pregnant. 

 

I had to wait the entire day before I told Patrick, because I refused to tell him on the phone.  I rushed home after work to tell him in my own "special" way by placing a hamburger bun in the oven (get it "bun in the oven"?).  After telling him I wanted to make a pineapple cake and needed a specific pan to do so, I sent him on a search to find it.  He looked in all the cabinets and kept pulling out various pans asking if I meant that one.  "Nope, it's bigger than that," or "Nope, it's smaller than that," and I kept saying "Did you check the oven?".  He adamantly told me it wasn't there, but I begged him to look anyway.  He pulled open the oven and replied "Nope, no pan...but there's a hamburger bun in here."  I said "A what?", and he said "A hamburger bun."  I replied, "Where?", "In the oven," he said, pointing to it as if it was meant to be there.  I said "WHAT?" trying to act surprised.  "There's a HAMBURGER BUN IN THE OVEN!"  He shouted.  "A hamburger what?" I replied.  "Bun." he said.  "Where?" "In the oven!" he said.  I pulled the pregnancy tests out of my pocket and said "No kidding, there's a bun in the oven?"  His jaw dropped open in amazement and he immediately picked me up to hug and kiss me. 

 

I am almost 6 weeks along, and almost past the "milestone" of where I lost the last baby.  I still worry at every twinge I feel, and I will until I'm past my first trimester.  We decided to share our news early this time as we felt that the power of prayer and positivity can definitely be of help.  A lot of people think we're crazy for doing so, but if more people send up prayers for this little bean, what's the harm?  Plus, telling people we were having a miscarriage before being able to say we were pregnant last time was physically and emotionally one of the worst things we had ever done.

 

I am due December 14th, 2006, just 3 days after my Mom's 50th birthday.  My Dad made me promise he would be past 50 when we had our first kid, and he would have been 52 this year, so I think I held up my end of our bargain fairly well.  I also made the promise that we wouldn't use the name Lawrence (his first) for our boy if we ever had one.  I will keep that promise, too.The funny thing is that we'll have been married for over 6 years when this baby gets here!  That's forever compared to most marriages.  :) 

 

I cannot wait for the sleepless nights, the 2 am feedings, the diaper changes and for this little one to look at me and smile.  There is so much to look forward to now and I think the next 8 months will go by very slowly.  I thought I was so disappointed in myself for not having finished my degree yet, but I realize now that the only job I really want is to be a Mommy.