Dreaming...

Last night I had a dream about Dad. I don't seem to dream about him as much as I used to anymore, and I can't figure out why. I think about him all the time, so it's not like he's not on my mind. But, when I do dream of him it's so vivid that I wake up thinking that he's still here. Sometimes it takes me a minute before I come out of my haze and realize that it's been 3.5 years since he was here.

Some days are harder than others, especially when you wake up after dreaming about him. Those days are rough. I still have my moments, even this long after, where I can't shake the tears and I can't shake the sadness. There are times when I think I take steps back instead of forward. Sometimes I get so angry at him for leaving us. I KNOW it wasn't his fault, and I KNOW it's not rational, but there are all these events going on in our lives and it SUCKS not to have him here. I think he'd be so proud of how far Patrick and I have come in 5 years of marriage. I think he'd be ecstatic about where Patrick stands in the CG. And then I think about what he's missing from Doug's life and it's more than I can bear.

I miss him so much. A big piece of me died the day he left this earth, and I will never get that piece back.