I recently wrote about how our life is up in the air because Patrick disenrolled from his class last week, and how we're just waiting to find out what the deal is with the Coast Guard about where we are going to go and when. Last week I was okay about the whole situation, really I was, but I am ready to admit that I am currently freaking out.
I consider myself to be a a level headed, fair minded person, especially when it comes to my family. I don't like change, per say, but when we have to make decisions I always let my heart guide me and support whatever it is Patrick wants to do. I have put on my brave face for the past week and supported him in this decision because HE really felt like it was the right one. Today, I am on the verge of tears and have bit off all my nails as I try to wait patiently to learn our "fate".
The fact of the matter is that I don't want to move right now. The thought of having to get ready for another move makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, we honestly JUST got here. We've not even been here 7 months yet and I'm already preparing to have to do it again. I don't want to have to pack and unpack again. I don't want to live out of a suitcase for days or weeks on end. I don't want to disrupt the life or schedule I have for Brady. I don't want to have to miss his birthday party or Christmas with my Mom because we might have to move. I just want things to be status quo for a while.
This is my moment of selfishness and I think I deserve it. I would never tell Patrick how scared I am because I KNOW how hard this was for him. I just have to sit here on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring and hope that good news is on the other end.
::Running to put brave face back on::
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