Here's a message typed from Jac: .... HI LEAH. I MISS YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YUO...LUV YUO. JAC
And right there, at my desk at work, my eyes swelled with tears and I started to cry. I promptly printed the email and taped it to my wall, with the words highlighted so they will always catch my eye when I need them to.
Just as soon as life seems to be taking a faster rotation as I get older, I'm slammed with the beautiful joy of realizing that the babies I spent my days with for years are now little people. All of the sudden, life seems faster than before, but with a wonderful twist.
I remember Jac learning to walk, and how we'd call him a "Drunken Sailor" because every step had an uneasy lean to it...with the eventual face-first spill at the end. I remember taking him outside to play and the fact that he detested blades of grass touching his skin, so as soon as I'd put him down he'd begin to scream. I remember his jibberish and how much I loved how we would carry on conversations in his "language".
I will never forget walking into Providence Hospital with Jac the day after Brendan was born, and him saying "Where's my baby brov-er??". My heart melted at that moment because I now had two little ones in my life who would change me forever. Jac was such a trooper when things got hectic with Brendan being a baby, and he would *always* help me with bottles or cleaning up his toys. He was born to be the Big Brother.
Brendan was an amazing baby, and he tugged at my heart strings with every smile. While I only got to spend the first year of his life with him, every day was worth it to me. I would feed him on the couch, my arm propped up by a pillow, and I'd stare at him, just knowing that this kid would be something some day. I remember when I saw his first tooth, and when he took his first steps. To be there for those moments is a gift that I will never take for granted.
What means most to me in this world is that almost 4 years after leaving home, these children STILL know who I am. They are STILL a part of my life even though I'm across the country. I can never repay Tonya & Jeff for that, and I don't know if they'll ever know how deeply that has affected me. These people have become our family in every sense of the word. They love us as much as we love them, and I wouldn't miss an opportunity to see them.
If God doesn't have plans for us to be parents, I can know in my soul that those kids love me as much as they can...and for me that's enough. To have been a part of their lives changed me forever, and nothing can take that away.
Jac & Leah - May 2003
Leah & Brendan - May 2003
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