Long time...

It's been a long time since I sat down to update this thing - and a lot has changed! For one, we found out a couple weeks ago that we're moving to San Diego this winter so that Patrick can go to a Navy training school for Corpsmen. We'll be leaving VA in February so we can go home for a few weeks with the baby and then make our way cross country with our little squirt in tow. Should be an adventure. I'm really excited because it means I get to stay home with the baby for at least the first year and a half of its life. We're going to have so much fun out there.

In other big news, I managed to find myself in Preterm Labor last week and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. They got my contractions under control, finally, and I'm home on bedrest now. Actually, it's more like couchrest. I'm allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day, make my food, go to the bathroom, but other than that I'm on my back - which is likely how I got in this position in the first place! HA!

I had a doctor's appointment today and found that I'm still 2cm dialated and 50% effaced, but the baby's head is "right there" according to my doc. This means I'm probably going soon, although we don't know when. I was given steroid shots in the hospital to help mature the baby's lungs so if it is born early he or she will be okay. I'm terrified to have an early baby because I don't want it to have to be in the NICU, but I'll take whatever God throws my way.

That's it for now. I'll keep posting as much as I can so I can remember these days down the line. Baby Coppo will be here soon...


33 weeks 3 days

The End Is Near

Tuesday marked a very important stage in this pregnancy, at least to me.  That night, Patrick and I went to the hospital to have our “New Baby” tour of the Maternity wing.  We wandered around wide eyed and excited along with 12 other couples who were to also deliver there.

During the work day I could hardly focus on anything other than the fact that this was happening – and in less than 11 weeks!  I stared blankly at the computer screen in front of me and constantly rattled off an internal list of what, exactly, we hadn’t done yet in preparation for this baby.  I had several freak out sessions and even had to call my Mom to declare, “Oh my gosh…I’m going to have a baby!”  To which she replied, “I’m sorry, is this the FIRST time you’re realizing this?”  Yes, I have finally transitioned from just ‘being pregnant’ to ‘holy cow, I’m going to have to push a human being out of my hoo-ha’ and ‘I am going to be completely responsible for another person’s life’.  I can honestly tell you that the revelation of these facts is truly wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

The maternity ward was clean, quiet and comfortable.  I’ll labor, deliver and recover all in my own private room, and then afterwards we will move into our own Mother/Baby suite – complete with fold out bed for Daddy to sleep on.  The most significant part of the tour for me, besides getting to see the rooms where we’ll be, was finding out about their steps towards the security of the baby.  Not only will the baby have two ID bands (one on the leg, one on the wrist), but Patrick and I will also have bands that will be checked to the match the baby every time it is placed with us in the room.  On top of that, each baby wears another security band that is hooked up to the central security of the hospital.  If a baby crosses certain areas of the floor, an alarm will go off and the entire hospital will shut down, including elevators and doorways.  We were told to be “very careful” where we go on the floor so as not to trip the alarm.  This brought a sense of relief to most of the mothers there given how many babies have been stolen from hospitals in the last 10 years. 

I am in the final weeks of this adventure and everything is becoming more and more real.  I believe the “nesting” part has started because all I can think about is getting home to clean my house.  I’ve become a clean freak – quite the opposite from lazy Leah.  Last night, we went out to Target and used one of our gift cards to purchase sleepers, onesies, and booties for the baby.  Patrick proudly held up the booties and said “Can you even believe that its feet are going to be THIS small?” 

I hope to never forget how it feels to have this baby move around inside me, kick me, punch me…it’s the most fantastic feeling in the whole world.  Even as I sit here I’m being poked and prodded by either a fist or an elbow…I’m not sure which one.  This is truly one of the most beautiful blessings God has bestowed on us humans and I’m extremely proud to be a part of the process.

RIP

Edward Coppo – “HaHa”

December 2, 1913 – September 18, 2006

 

We just returned to VA from a long, short weekend in Michigan.  We left unexpectedly last week because HaHa (Patrick’s grandpa) had been checked into hospice and they didn’t expect him to live much longer.  We drove to Baltimore on Wednesday after work, flew to Detroit Friday morning, and then drove 10 hours up to Houghton after we arrived.  It was a rough trip all the way around, with us returning on Sunday night.  We were able to see all of Patrick’s extended family while we were there, so that was a plus, but having to see Haha in his current condition was heart-wrenching to say the least.  He had withered away to 95 pounds and was in terrible pain from the cancer in his lower extremities.  I tried so hard to be strong for Patrick while we were visiting him, but broke down many times and had to excuse myself to cry in the hall.  It’s excruciating to have to see your loved one in so much pain, and you honestly pray that the Lord will take them soon so they no longer have to suffer.

 

HaHa did remember Patrick at one point after waking from one of his frequent morphine induced naps.  He saw him standing there and said “Patrick?” and Patrick went immediately to his side.  He asked if Patrick was still in school, and Patrick reminded him that he was in the military.  HaHa then went on to say how much he liked to fish and watch hockey, baseball and football.  Patrick brought up the Tigers and they talked managers for a few minutes.  It seemed for that moment the dementia and Alzheimer’s hadn’t affected his memory.  He fell back asleep, and woke up later and asked about Jim (Patrick’s Dad).  He didn’t remember then that Jim had died, but when we reminded him, he seemed to understand, asking “About three years ago, right?”  All we could say was yes – even though it was 12.

 

We left after a short while because the hospice nurse came by to do her job, and Patrick decided he didn’t want to go back later that day because he had left HaHa on a good note, and he was afraid to go back in case he was worse.  I can’t say I blame him.

 

We were informed this morning that he passed last night very peacefully.  I am glad his suffering is over and that he is at peace.  He’s up there with Noni, Jim and Uncle Patrick now, with both his legs in full use, and he’s enjoying his family.  Heaven has another angel with HaHa, and I know he is enjoying his time up there.

Mo' Money, Mo' Money, Mo' Money!

The Coast Guard finally came through yesterday, albeit a little late, with the list of cuts for advancement -- and Patrick is going to be making 2nd Class Petty Officer!!! He is in New Jersey for the weekend so I had to call him and tell him about it! I love being the bearer of fantastic news!

This means a pay raise just in time (or shortly thereafter) for the baby to be able to spend it! We've waited a long time for this and are super excited that it's happening for him. Our chances have now improved that we may be getting out of here next summer, but I'm not going to hold my breath. :)

Today, Jenn and I are going to get massages and have a girls day. She's back in town for a school and I can't believe just how much I've missed her. It's crazy.

Tomorrow is Rally Day at church, so I'll be at Newport News Park all day...outside...in the heat...ugh.

In All Her Glory...

26 weeks pregnant...

Oh, Ernesto!

I have now lived through my first ever Tropical Storm system – TS Ernesto.  He came across Florida earlier this week as a Depression, and then quickly picked up speed as he got back out into the Atlantic.  The highest the winds got were 70 mph, so he never officially became a Hurricane, but was damn near close.

This morning I woke up early from the sounds of wind and rain, turned on the TV to watch a bit of the coverage, and then decided to jump in the shower.  Just as I was turning on the water, the power went out and came back on.  Then, as fast as it came back on, it was out again – and I was left standing in the dark wondering how I was going to get ready for work with no electricity!  We live in a townhouse, so there are only 4 windows in the whole place, and the bathroom is not one of them.  I had to take a shower by candlelight, which under different circumstances would have been highly romantic, and throw make up on my face as I piled my hair in a bun. 

Driving to work was treacherous, even for a 2.5 mile commute.  Power was out EVERYWHERE but work…wouldn’t you know it.  We sat here all day as the wind whipped the leaves around, bent the trees, and shook the building.  40 mph winds with 60 mph gusts were nothing to laugh at.  The rain came down in buckets – and I can honestly say that I cannot remember ever seeing so much in one day in my life. 

The majority of the storm has now passed us, and they are finally letting us out of work a little early so we can go home and survey the damage.  I’m sure the next week will be full of calls here at work, but as my boss said yesterday “This is what we do in our business”.  I’m just glad we don’t have any trees on our house!

The only one...

Last night I took my first pregnancy exercise class after work.  I should have been doing this all along and maybe I wouldn’t have put on so much weight already, but I digress.  The class was at Riverside Wellness Center and it’s free for those who deliver there, so I figured why not!  The class had about 8 other girls in it, and besides the girl who is due in 2 weeks, we were all mostly due in November and December.  It was nice to “size” everyone up and know that I’m not bigger than I think I am and seem to be right on target for now!  (“For now” being the operative words here, since I’m definitely not done growing yet!).

 

During warm up, which finally got my blood pumping for the first time in months, we did introductions.  The girl who was due in two weeks started, and we went around the room saying when we were due, whether or not this was our first child, and the gender of the baby.  As the girls went around, each and every one of them was able to say “This is a…” and spill the gender while proudly rubbing their protruding belly.  Finally, it became my turn to introduce myself (I was the newbie), and I said “I’m Leah, this is my first, I’m due December 12^th – and we don’t know what we’re having.”  I said it almost sheepishly because in that moment I felt like the ONLY person in the whole world who wasn’t able to proudly tell the gender of their child.  I got a resounding “I don’t know how you do it!” and, “I need to know what kind of clothes to buy!” to which I replied, “This isn’t my doing!  If it were up to me, I would know already!  It’s my husband’s fault!  He doesn’t want to know.” 

 

It’s funny how there’s more people out there now who couldn’t do the whole waiting thing.  I hardly ever get a pat on the back, but sometimes I will and it does help; however, I go through phases where I get so antsy and just want to know what this baby is so I can stop referring to my child as “IT”.  I’d love to rub my belly and talk to this little one by using their name.  I guess that’s the difference between me and Patrick – he can wait, and I can’t.

 

There is an envelope in our house right now that contains a slip of paper with the gender on it.  It was given to us by the ultrasound tech in Ludington after my spill in Meijer’s.  She sealed it, taped it and signed it so that if either of us were to open it, the other would know right away.  I think this is the cruelest form of punishment on the face of the earth.  I hate surprises and this thing is staring me in the face every day.  Some days I swear I think I hear it calling to me.  “Mommmmmmmmmmmmmy…don’t you want to know what color clothes to buy me?”  “Mommmmmmmmmmmy, don’t you want to know what name you’re going to use”.  It’s awful. 

 

Some days I don’t think that December is going to get here fast enough!

Rejuvenation

This past weekend was our 6^th wedding anniversary and to celebrate we spent the weekend at the Inn on Pamlico Sound in Cape Hatteras, NC.  The Inn was the most fantastic place for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation for us.  We considered it to be our anniversary trip and Babymoon all in one.  (Babymoon is the new term for first time expecting parents to get away.  Clever, I know). 

 

The Inn was right on the water, and our room had a breathtaking view.  We spent the mornings out on the deck, sipping coffee in the hunter green rocking chairs.  It felt as if the world stood still and we were the only occupants.  We had breakfast on the decks outside, served by the Inn staff.  I can already tell that feasting on the homemade muffins and breakfast goodies will cause for an even larger bum, but I don’t care.  The staff and Innkeepers were more than hospitable and did everything in their power to ensure we had no worries while we were there.  At one point, Steve, the owner, walked by Patrick and me as we sat on the couch reading the paper and said, “You guys really need to do something about that stress level.  I’m starting to get worried about you!”

 

The weekend was the perfect way to spend our last few months together as only a couple.  My fantastic husband even ordered up a bottle of Sparkling Cider for us to share to celebrate, since I can’t partake in the consumption of the real stuff.  We spent the evenings in the oversized Jacuzzi tub, complete with candle light provided by Patrick, and lounged around during the day.  I could not think of a better way to spend a weekend with the man that I am completely head over heels in love with.

 

Life is back to reality, and our daily routines will now consist of washing baby clothes, setting up the crib, painting the nursery, and preparing our lives (and our house) for the arrival of this little one.  There is no one on this earth that I would rather be going through this with, and I can’t wait to see what the next lifetime has to offer us.

Unrealistic Expectations

 

Where do I draw the line between what’s realistically expected of my pregnant self, and what’s not?  I have become obsessed with watching shows like “A Baby Story”, “Surviving Motherhood”, “Bringing Home Baby”, and the like.  Nothing would be wrong with that except for the fact that I watch these beautiful women on TV having pain free, or little pain, labors and deliveries – all while their hair is done up and their make-up isn’t running. 

 

I have always had a serious problem with my self image.  Even as a sticklike teenager I could stare at myself in the mirror and see nothing but fat.  Now, as I’m steadily expanding outward, it kills me when people say “OH!  Look at how big you are!” or “I think you got bigger over the weekend!”, and the best one yet “You’re definitely filling out in your face already!”  All things to which I reply “I am pregnant you know”, with an ever so slight roll of the eyes.  I’m just shy of 5 months, and of course my belly is getting bigger, there’s a growing human inside of it…what do they expect?

 

I really have unrealistic expectations of how I should look now, and even worse expectations of what I should look like after delivery.  All of this stems from watching beautiful women like Heidi Klum show up on the red carpet mere days after giving birth.  I guess if I had a personal trainer and chef, I may be able to look like that.  But alas, I will be stuck with my cottage cheese butt until I can find the time to get off it and go to the gym.

 

I really love being pregnant, and as my body changes I am becoming more receptive to the extra weight and elastic waistbands in my clothes.  I just have to realize that I’m not going to make it back into my size 4’s right after birth, and in fact, may never fit into them again.  It’s a chance I’m willing to take to be a mother…as nothing is more rewarding.

Unrealistic Expectations

Where do I draw the line between what’s realistically expected of my pregnant self, and what’s not?  I have become obsessed with watching shows like “A Baby Story”, “Surviving Motherhood”, “Bringing Home Baby”, and the like.  Nothing would be wrong with that except for the fact that I watch these beautiful women on TV having pain free, or little pain, labors and deliveries – all while their hair is done up and their make-up isn’t running. 

 

I have always had a serious problem with my self image.  Even as a sticklike teenager I could stare at myself in the mirror and see nothing but fat.  Now, as I’m steadily expanding outward, it kills me when people say “OH!  Look at how big you are!” or “I think you got bigger over the weekend!”, and the best one yet “You’re definitely filling out in your face already!”  All things to which I reply “I am pregnant you know”, with an ever so slight roll of the eyes.  I’m just shy of 5 months, and of course my belly is getting bigger, there’s a growing human inside of it…what do they expect?

 

I really have unrealistic expectations of how I should look now, and even worse expectations of what I should look like after delivery.  All of this stems from watching beautiful women like Heidi Klum show up on the red carpet mere days after giving birth.  I guess if I had a personal trainer and chef, I may be able to look like that.  But alas, I will be stuck with my cottage cheese butt until I can find the time to get off it and go to the gym.

 

I really love being pregnant, and as my body changes I am becoming more receptive to the extra weight and elastic waistbands in my clothes.  I just have to realize that I’m not going to make it back into my size 4’s right after birth, and in fact, may never fit into them again.  It’s a chance I’m willing to take to be a mother…as nothing is more rewarding.

"The" Day

I’ve kept my spirits up as much as possible today, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job.  Today would have been my due date with our first “angel” bean.  It’s hard to think about even now with this beautiful child moving about my abdomen.  It’s difficult to explain how one feels when they’re happily and safely pregnant with a child after they lost another. 

 

I wonder if that baby was a boy or a girl.  While it makes no difference it would have been nice to know.  I will keep that child in my heart forever, even after the birth of this little one.  Somehow, time flew by and this date came fast, which probably means I’m ill prepared for how quickly December will arrive.  J

 

Angel Bean is in our thoughts today and we’re going out to dinner to celebrate its life as well as the life of the baby growing inside me. 

 

 

Perks

I love, love, love being pregnant. No, seriously...this is the best thing since sliced bread. There aren't enough words to accurately describe how wonderful it feels to know that you have created a HUMAN LIFE and you are charged with keeping it safe while it grows. I have discovered that my own life seems much more bright and much more exciting now that I have this little one to look forward to meeting.

This picture was taken at 10w5d pregnant last month. Not much to show, really, although at the time the picture was taken I felt like the human equivlant to Grimmace from McDonalds. This is only to show my progression and give me something to look forward to going back to.

This picture was taken on Sunday at 14w5d and it finally shows my rounding belly. Up until this point, I really only felt fat. People would stare at me like they KNEW I had eaten too much ice cream and was paying the price. Now, I get a few questionable stares because people just don't want to ask if you ARE pregnant for fear of offending you, but mostly people can recognize that I am pregnant. I love this feeling.

The best perks, besides the glow and the smile that never seems to go away, are the boobs. Yes, I said it. The boobs. These suckers are AWESOME. I keep trying to convince them that even after breastfeeding they should stay around. I tell them that I'll give them a good home and even show them off. What did I ever do without these things. Despite my growing waistline, it's still nice to see how nicely they sit in a VNeck shirt. Nice and perky. Thus, the reason they are one of the great "perks" of pregnancy.

Only a few more months until this little one debuts in our world, sometimes it can't come fast enough.

String Bean

 

I just wanted to share the newest picture of our “bean”.  After a fall down the stairs on Mother’s Day (at home alone, of course), I was immediately seen at the doctor’s office where they performed an unscheduled ultrasound to calm my fears that something may have happened to the baby after my fall.  My anxiety was calmed as soon as I saw our baby floating around in an invisible sea – and this time it had arms and legs, and even waved at its Momma through the screen.  The nurse said “Oh wow…look at those long legs already!  This baby is going to be tall”, to which I replied, “That would be pretty consistent to the fact that my husband and I are both practically giants!”  We had a nice laugh and I was able to breathe again.

 

I woke up this morning to my find my “bump” well on its way to forming, and all I could do was sit there and smile at myself.  I can’t remember a time in my life where I was so excited to have myself a little belly.  I have had the most spectacular pregnancy so far – no morning sickness, no nausea, my weight gain so far is minimal – and I’m loving every second of this adventure.  Even the 25 trips to the bathroom each day!  I’m so thrilled to be blessed enough to experience this, and I can’t wait to feel the baby move for the first time!

 

My husband continues to amaze me every day of this pregnancy.  I’m not allowed to do anything at home except put up my feet, and even then, he rubs them for me!  If I ATTEMPT to do the dishes, I get yelled at.  If I TRY to fold a load of laundry, I’m in trouble.  Thank God for this man because I am exhausted and need my feet up as much as I can possibly stand after working a 40+ hour work week. 

 

Next Thursday (June 1) will be the day we hear the heartbeat!  I know I will cry tears of joy, and am misting up just thinking about it.  It’s so amazing to know that there is a HUMAN BEING growing inside me right now.  How cool is that??

The Day the World Almost Ended

Monday started out as any normal day would.  It was overcast, the weather was cool, and I had to take Patrick to his follow up eye appointment after his successful PRK surgery last week.  I dressed for work, took him there and home, and went about my daily activities. 

 

As my work day came to a close, I became absolutely ravenous with hunger.  I couldn't figure out what to eat that would satisfy my urge for food, and as I thought about it I remembered that I had a bag of Combos in the car from the day before.  I purposely sealed them up and kept them there for this specific purpose - a treat for myself.  Now, I've been trying very hard to eat healthy during this pregnancy, but every once in a while I do get the urge for something not so good and I do let my self fall off the wagon for one thing.  This week, it was my bag of glorious, salty, pizza flavored Combos. 

 

I took off like lightening to the car at 5:00, jumped in and began driving home.  While behind the wheel, I searched for the bag I had left, but couldn't find it.  I waited until I reached a red light, pressed firmly on the breaks, and turned around to search the backseat for the Combos I so desperately wanted.  I hot flash came over me as I realized that my once full bag of trash was now empty, and I said out loud to myself, "Ohmygosh, he threw them away!!!!"

 

As I drove down the street approaching our house, I began to try to reason with myself.  Normal Leah said "Good gracious, it's just food.  There's nothing to be upset about."  Pregnant Crazy Leah said "BUT HE THREW THEM AWAY".  Normal Leah said "But, he didn't mean to do it.  I'm sure it was an accident."  Pregnant Psycho Leah said "It doesn't MATTER!  He had NO RIGHT to do that.  I'm friggin hungry!"  I struggled with myself for the next 3 minutes to not make a big deal out of this situation.  I thought I was successful, too, until I began to walk in the door. 

 

What would normally be a situation that shouldn't be a big deal had now became the end of the world as I had known it.  I threw open the door and awoke my recovering husband from his nap with a loud, mean and crazy sounding, "Did you throw away my Combos?!?!".  He woke up groggy, looked me in my eye and said "Yes", not knowing that this would seal his fate.  He could have lied and said that he didn't know what I was talking about, but he didn't.  I glared at him and said "WHY would you DO that??", and he had no response.  I stormed off into the other room and finished with "You can't just throw a pregnant woman's food away!!!".

 

I sat in the other room festering about the loss of not only such a valuable, tasty treat, but also, apparently, my mind.  Again, I tried to reason with myself, but Pregnant Out of Her Mind Leah prevailed.  Patrick followed shortly thereafter and said "Are you okay?", to which I gnarled "NO, I am bloated and irritable!" and blew past him out of the room.  As I stomped away he said "Was it anything I did??"  I continued walking up the steps, peered down and him and shouted "YES!  You THREW AWAY MY COMBOS!!!!". 

 

I saw the look on his face as he struggled with whether or not to call me the crazy psycho that I was, or continue to live his life.  He said nothing, turned on his heel and walked away.  I'm sure he was cursing me out with every step, but he didn't let on that he was doing it.  I sat upstairs as Normal Leah came back around defeated, wounded and not the same person she used to be.  I knew what had just happened was out of my control, and I was warned that this would happen, but I don't think I was quite prepared for it.  Every sense of my being KNEW I was wrong for acting like that, and no matter how hard I tried, the hormones had total control.  As Carrie would later tell me, I just couldn't fight it, I had to let it play itself out. 

 

I did apologize to my husband for my odd, offensive and downright off-the-wall behavior, and he graciously accepted.  He understands that my body and my hormones are no longer my own, and he knows that if he expects to make it through this time, he needs to be accepting of Pregnant Crazy Leah when she rears her ugly head. 

 

God bless the men who have to put up with us.  I don't know how they do it, but they deserve medals and prizes for it. 

 

 

Veins and Vanity...

Seven weeks into this pregnancy and I can count myself pretty lucky so far.  I am only nauseous for a few minutes in the morning, and have only had one "episode" of throwing up.  The only major complaint I have had is the bloating.  Holy cow, talk about not fitting in your clothes.  Sometimes during the day if you catch a glimpse at me, you may think I'm about 5 months along.  Thankfully, with some rest and some good gas pills, I seem to deflate overnight. 

 

One of the other joys of realizing that my body is no longer mine, besides the complete and total fatigue, is the "road map of America" that has popped up on my skin.  Particularly my chest.  Blue veins are prominent, and if you look closely, you may be able to use that area to get you from Tulsa to San Antonio.  Who knew that this was a symptom??

 

Pregnancy is not the time for vanity, but it is a hard thing to overcome.  I have worked long and hard to keep the 50 pounds I lost off my frame, and while I know that I'm not perfect, the weight gain and body changes are a little hard for me to handle.  I can hear "Fat Leah" screaming to get out, saying encouraging things like "Doesn't that plate of cheese fries look incredible??!" or "That Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese is calling our name!".  I thought I had killed her for good, but I know she's in there dying to get out as my ass spreads and my legs get thicker.  She knows what my temptations are (pizza, garlic bread, fries, hot dogs, etc) and she is not afraid to use them.  I refuse to be the kind of pregnant woman who divulges into every want and uses this time to eat what she pleases.  I KNOW how hard it is to get that weight off, and I can't do that to myself again.

 

My clothes are already fitting a little tighter than usual.  My snug size 4 jeans have been tossed aside to prevent further bloating, and I'm comfortably in my 6's for the time being.  The 4's just seem to make me swell up faster, thanks to their hugging my every curve.  I'm all about comfort right now, and am living in my elastic waistband shorts, skirts and pants.  Oversized t-shirts are my best friends.  I'm not ready to purchase any maternity clothes yet, so if I can wear it and be comfortable, it's still being worn.

 

This is such a wonderful time in our lives, and I am enjoying every minute I possibly can.  I am pretty irritable, and watching Nick Lachey on MTV the other day made me cry, but this is one of the most exciting things I will ever experience as a woman.  I am so blessed to have this opportunity, especially after all the years we worried that it may never happen.

 

Ultrasound coming up on May 4th! 

 

 

Utter Exhaustion

It's hard for me to even keep my eyes open long enough to type this entry.  Even now, my upper lids feel heavy and are begging to make contact with the lower lids so that they may rest.  However, this is not something that I am complaining about.  In fact, along with the nausea I felt this morning, these are welcome symptoms of the "condition" I am currently in.  These are things I actually prayed to be feeling, if you can possibly imagine it.  Yes, boys and girls, I am FINALLY pregnant! 

 

This was confirmed on Tuesday April 4th and I just knew when I woke up that I needed to take the test to prove to myself that what I had been feeling were not actually pregnancy symptoms.  They HAD to be phantom symptoms that I had dreamed up.  In fact, the day before at my physicians office for an appointment for my UTI (yuck), I was told that I wasn't pregnant; however, the Nurse I spoke with said that it was still possible since I didn't have a good "quality sample" to give due to my condition on that day.  After Patrick left for work on Tuesday morning, I dragged myself out of bed and took the home test.  As I was undressing to get in the shower, I kept peeking at the test that wasn't actually ready to be viewed.  I jumped in the shower just KNOWING that it was going to be negative.  I took the fastest shower in the history of showers, not even stopping to shave my legs.  When I got out and looked that the test sitting on the sink, it was like a light shined down from heaven to highlight the beautiful second line confirming, in fact, I was pregnant. 

 

I had to wait the entire day before I told Patrick, because I refused to tell him on the phone.  I rushed home after work to tell him in my own "special" way by placing a hamburger bun in the oven (get it "bun in the oven"?).  After telling him I wanted to make a pineapple cake and needed a specific pan to do so, I sent him on a search to find it.  He looked in all the cabinets and kept pulling out various pans asking if I meant that one.  "Nope, it's bigger than that," or "Nope, it's smaller than that," and I kept saying "Did you check the oven?".  He adamantly told me it wasn't there, but I begged him to look anyway.  He pulled open the oven and replied "Nope, no pan...but there's a hamburger bun in here."  I said "A what?", and he said "A hamburger bun."  I replied, "Where?", "In the oven," he said, pointing to it as if it was meant to be there.  I said "WHAT?" trying to act surprised.  "There's a HAMBURGER BUN IN THE OVEN!"  He shouted.  "A hamburger what?" I replied.  "Bun." he said.  "Where?" "In the oven!" he said.  I pulled the pregnancy tests out of my pocket and said "No kidding, there's a bun in the oven?"  His jaw dropped open in amazement and he immediately picked me up to hug and kiss me. 

 

I am almost 6 weeks along, and almost past the "milestone" of where I lost the last baby.  I still worry at every twinge I feel, and I will until I'm past my first trimester.  We decided to share our news early this time as we felt that the power of prayer and positivity can definitely be of help.  A lot of people think we're crazy for doing so, but if more people send up prayers for this little bean, what's the harm?  Plus, telling people we were having a miscarriage before being able to say we were pregnant last time was physically and emotionally one of the worst things we had ever done.

 

I am due December 14th, 2006, just 3 days after my Mom's 50th birthday.  My Dad made me promise he would be past 50 when we had our first kid, and he would have been 52 this year, so I think I held up my end of our bargain fairly well.  I also made the promise that we wouldn't use the name Lawrence (his first) for our boy if we ever had one.  I will keep that promise, too.The funny thing is that we'll have been married for over 6 years when this baby gets here!  That's forever compared to most marriages.  :) 

 

I cannot wait for the sleepless nights, the 2 am feedings, the diaper changes and for this little one to look at me and smile.  There is so much to look forward to now and I think the next 8 months will go by very slowly.  I thought I was so disappointed in myself for not having finished my degree yet, but I realize now that the only job I really want is to be a Mommy. 

 

 

Spring has sprung!

Even after one of the mildest winters I've ever experienced, it is still nice to welcome spring. The weather yesterday was in the 80's, the sun shined, the wind blew warm breezes and I, for one, enjoyed every second of it. I think today I may go out in the neighborhood and take some pictures of the trees in bloom. I don't fancy myself a photographer by any means, but I do love to record life so when I'm old, I have a lot to remember.

There is not much to report on this end of life. We're still alive and kicking, so that's good. We have our trip to Michigan coming up in less than 2 months, and I cannot wait for that week to come. My baby brother is graduating high school. How freaking weird is that? I can't get over it.

Work is as stressful as ever. They decided to announce to the whole office that Matt was leaving our dept to go to Commercial Lines. The worst part is that they called it a "promotion" when we do more work than the CL girls do - and not to mention this was out of the clear blue and no one gave us a heads up. Every last girl in my department is ticked off at how this was handled. We're like the red-headed step children of the agency, and frankly, I'm tired of being disrespected.

Today we're meeting the Dawsons for lunch, working in the yard and going to Youth Group. We're skipping church today because rumor has it that Pastor Hank won't be there and neither of us likes it when the associate Pastor does the service. ;0) Oooohh...we're bad Christians! :)

Digital Slave

The last 72+ hours have changed my life.  How, you ask?  I finally crossed over into the digital world and accepted digital cable with a DVR into my life.  Now, a new slave to the digital world has been born.  I cannot even fathom what my life was like on Sunday before we installed this function into our lives.  Not only do we now have 800 more cable channels, including Oxygen where my favorite "Inhale" yoga program runs, but we also have the ability to record any program we want without searching for a blank tape to record on.  Our collection of tapes labeled "Anything" will soon dwindle away and be out in the trash like the basic cable we used to have. 

 

I realized the full functionality of having a DVR while watching a show on roller coasters.  Patrick happened to be BBQing dinner at the time it was on, and I urged him to come into the room to see this particular ride.  "HURRY!", I said, as if the world was going to end if he missed it.  He made it to the room just as it was over, missing the part I so desperately wanted him to see.  "Shoot!", I said in a huff, thinking how awesome it would have been for him to witness the fury this coaster gave it's riders.  All of the sudden, it was like a light went off in my head, and I swear I heard the "ding" as it came on, just like in the cartoons.  "OH-MY-GOSH...you CAN see it because I can REWIND LIVE TV!!!"  That moment changed my life forever.

 

Now I can record my favorite fitness programs and do them in the morning before work, thus eliminating the need to travel to the gym and fight for a cardio machine.  We can record weekly shows while we're out and about, and come back to watch them whenever we please.  We can rewind "time" and then fast forward through the mind numbing commercials that plague our favorite shows. 

 

How in the world did I ever live without this thing?  It's the "Cell Phone Effect", as I like to call it.  New things are brought into your lives and after a while you wonder how it was you ever managed your crazy life without them.  Computers, Cell Phones, Palm Pilots, iPods, and DVRs, what was your life like without them?

New Monogamy?

Bored at work this morning, I was perusing MSN when I happened upon an article entitled "The New Monogamy".  I considered what this statement meant and curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked the link.  After my jaw hit the desk, I was able to finish reading the article.  To sum it up, "The New Monogamy" is where married couples set new bounds and rules to their relationships so that "agreed upon" cheating is okay and helped to keep their partners from straying otherwise.  No, I am not kidding.  There are actually people out there who do this. 

 

Could you even imagine setting up "rules" for your spouse that allowed them to physically interact with another human on a sexual level, without consequences?  Doesn't that completely traipse all over the word "monogamy"?  Monogamy is defined as "marriage to one person", or "having one sexual partner".  Mono = one.  Where is the double meaning word that allows for you and your spouse to run around town doing what was "within the rules" with whomever you please?  In my world, we call that dating and not marriage.

 

To quote a part of the article, Cathi Hanauer, an author, states:

 

"We already know that monogamous marriage is far from a raging success in this country.  In my opinion, if some couples want to try veering slightly from the contract by creating their own rules, more power to them. I commend their courage in thinking deeply about marriage and its shortcomings, and for having the creativity and guts to adjust it to fit their mutual needs."

 

Monogamous marriage is far from a raging success not because people are expected to be with one person for the rest of their lives, but because people jump in with both feet and expect marriage to be easy and perfect.  The point of marrying someone is to build a life with that person that is founded on communication and trust.  When you marry someone, you do have to realize that (gasp), you will be sleeping with that person for the rest of your life.  Oh wait...my bad...that IS the contract you enter into when you get married, isn't it?  I see no courage about looking beyond your life partner for a dose of sex from someone else, I see that as cowardice.  When you enter into a marriage, you are choosing to be with that person, uplift that person, honor that person - so how does "agreed upon" cheating help you achieve that.

 

No matter how much a person says they're "okay" with their spouse having some type of sexual relations with another person, jealousy is not an emotion that can go unfelt forever.  One day, you will see your spouse with someone who is more attractive than you, with better legs than you, with higher breasts and a tighter ass than you, or maybe that person will be more intellectual than you, know more about world policies than you do - and you will begin to feel inferior.  That feeling will slowly mold into jealousy and your trust will be diminished and your marriage will be affected.  So, how is "the NEW monogamy" better than the old?

 

Maybe I am old fashioned, or maybe I'm a prude, but I entered in to marriage with my husband because I WANTED to be with only him for the rest of my life.  I find nothing more exciting or intense than the relationship we share.  Those who seek to redefine monogamy or marriage will end up never having the feelings I have for my husband.  And that is a fact.

Early Wake Up

While laying in bed last night, Patrick suggested that we both get up at the same time in the morning and enjoy 45 minutes of togetherness over breakfast as we start our day. The thought of waking up at 5:15 on purpose was a little tough to swallow, but needless to say, I did it anyway.

We stood around in our pj's, making eggs together and waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. I eagerly downed my coffee as I waited for the burst of caffiene induced energry to wake me up, and I realized that I wasn't even really that tired. His suggestion may just turn into our "early morning" tradition. Our lives have been abnormally crazy these days with all of our extracurricular activities and it's nice to just sit together and enjoy our company before our hectic day begins.

Whatever am I going to do when we leave this billet and he's gone all the time? We're more than 2 years away from that, but I'm sure it will creep up on us fast.

Warm Breezes

The past 5 days have given us a glimpse into summer complete with sunshine, 85 degree temps, and warm breezes from the south.  I can honestly say that I would not trade living down here for anything right now, and although the temps will drop 20 degrees tomorrow, the 5 days of paradise was well worth it.  I was able to drive around town with my windows down, with my flip flops on, as the wind blew tangles in my hair.  My radio blasted 90's music and I sang "The Humpty Dance" at the top of my lungs while sitting at a stop light.  Sometimes it seems as if life cannot get better. 

 

On Friday we went out to dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise to celebrate Shannon's 28th birfday.  The weather was so nice that they had the garage style doors opened and there was seating on the patio for the first time in months.  The frozen drinks helped to keep me in the "tropical" atmosphere, that is, until my burger came out bleeding all over my bun.  That ruined my appetite and set my stomach up for disaster for the rest of the evening. 

 

Saturday we went to the gym, ran errands, walked the dog, took naps and then went to a BBQ at Marshall and Natalie's.  It was a lot of fun, as usual, and there were more people to meet this time.  Sunday was church and Youth Group by myself since Patrick had duty.

 

Tonight we'll be headed to have Mexican at El Mariachi's so we can sip margaritas on the patio and feast Mexican style while we wait for the temperature to fall back to normal.  What a nice time we had living it up Summer style in the middle of March.

The High Seas...

It's hard to admit this in writing, especially when I know that people can read this particular journal and I'm putting myself out there, but this is my journal, right? I'm gonna write what I want to.

I have become SO consumed with getting pregnant again that it's taken over my life. I have become so bad that I have refrained from shopping (my favorite pastime) because I didn't want to buy anything JUST IN CASE I got pregnant again and couldn't fit into it. I mean, we're talking, I wouldn't buy a BRA because I was afraid I wouldn't fit into it in a few weeks. Well...we see where that attitude has gotten me. I am STILL not pregnant - and I'm tired of living my life around the JUST IN CASE. Is it irony that we try for years to prevent such a thing from happening and when we want it the most, we can't have it? Or is it an odd game our body likes playing with us as a payback for all the years it's been pumped with hormones to PREVENT it from happening? I haven't decided which it is yet.

Nonetheless, I have decided to take back control of my life and focus on something else for a while. This thing I'm going to focus on is our next CARIBBEAN CRUISE! We're going to sail the high seas again in January 2007 for a Western Caribbean cruise on the Explorer of the Seas. I know it seems far away (10 months to be exact), but it gives us plenty of time to pay for the cruise and focus on how much fun we'll have.

Our cruise in 2004 proved to be one of the best times we've had in our marriage. It was JUST US and we were able to do all the things we wanted to do, explore tropical islands, lay in the sun...everything we wanted to do and more. What better way to spend a week with the person you love most in the world? Plus, it's definitely a bonus that for formal night, my honey will wear his Bravo uniform and be the sexiest man on the ship (well, he's the sexiest anyway, but that uniform makes me DROOL).

So, I'm refocusing my life and my time on things in the now and not what COULD happen in the future. I'm pretty proud of myself considering how neurotic I've become with the whole baby thing. This is just the thing I need! TROPICAL PARADISE, HERE WE COME!

Weekend Ramblings...

Why can't the work week go by as fast as the weekend? It seems as if every time a weekend comes around it is gone as fast as it came. This one was no exception, either.

Friday night, Patrick and I had a date night and went out to the movies. We saw "Freedomland" with Samuel Jackson. While it was a decent movie, it left me feeling like there was something missing. I would recommend waiting for DVD for this one.

Saturday the weather turned frigidly cold and wet. Jenn bough tickets for us to see "Rent" in Norfolk for the afternoon performance, so we ventured out in it. Needless to say, it was WELL worth it! We had great seats and both sat in awe as we tried to take everything in. The people who performed had the most amazing, moving voices I have possibly ever heard. I was so excited to be there.

Last night, we went with Jenn and Scott over to Natalie and Marshall's house for dinner/boardgames/cards. It was a lot of fun. Joe and Jen were there with there kids, too, but didn't stay long as everyone had been battling colds all week. We had a good time getting to know Natalie and Marshall and it looks like this will turn into a monthly "Get together" until Jenn and Scott and Joe and Jen move away. At least we're making more friends so we're not completely alone when they move!

Patrick has work off tomorrow while I have to sit at work and bang my head against the keyboard because NO ONE knows we'll be at work tomorrow. UGH!

Be Mine

Alas, it is February 14 again, which means the stores are filled with heart shaped boxes of chocolate, discounts on perfume, exorbitant prices on flowers, and those "last minute" gifts for the husbands that forgot what today is.  Valentines Day, much like Christmas, has been over commercialized and has forced men to run to buy those heart shaped pendants, rings, or earrings for their significant others.  Why is it that we need a national holiday to be forced to remind those we love how much we mean to them?  Thank goodness, I am married to a fantastic man who reminds me every day how much he loves me, and doesn't need a date on a calendar to do so.

 

I, for one, am not into jewelry or expensive gifts -- and I think an anniversary is much more to celebrate than a day that everyone else shares.  I would rather my husband rub my feet while watching TV than bring me some piece of jewelry that 20,000 other women will have.  Thankfully, I have a thoughtful husband who will make me French Toast on a Sunday morning, complete with a glass of Grapefruit juice because he knows it's my favorite - and not because he is forced to compete with the other men on the planet trying to prove their love. 

 

The best Valentine's Day we've had, though, was our first one.  We were broke, engaged, and as completely head over heels for each other as we are now.  Patrick's mom was either out of town, or working, I can't remember, so we had the whole house to ourselves.  Patrick made me a wonderful dinner, and he made a picinic in front of the fireplace.  He brought melted chocolate, whip cream and strawberries for us to "snack" on for dessert.  Of course, this was all supposed to be romantic, but romance was taken over by laughter as we turned the dessert into the chance to have a whip cream and chocolate fight.  We were covered from head to toe and enjoyed every moment of it. 

 

Tonight, we will get our portaits taken for the church directory, and then we will go out to a nice dinner - not because we have to, but because we want to, not because Patrick wants to impress me, but because we both love food so much!  The best thing about this Valentine's Day is that, 6 years later, my husband still gives me butterflies when he looks at me, I still want to spend all of my free time with him, I can't get enough of him and him of me, and that he's the best thing that ever happened to me.  That, to me, is the kind of gift money can't buy, and it's the best gift of all.

Silent Lunch

Picture 200 second graders in a crowded room.  Now, imagine it's lunchtime and all hell has broken loose as children run around, scream, and throw food at each other.  Now, imagine the underpaid, overworked, stressed out staff that has to tolerate this behavior.  What would you do to seize management of the situation?

 

With the amount of disrespect that happens in school, why would a parent ever question the reason for a "Silent Lunch" to gain control over unruly students?  The consequence fits the crime - you act civil while in the building eating or you will be punished by having to sit with your head down.  Plain and simple.  There is no corporal punishment.  There is no humiliation. 

 

So, where is the harm in giving a punishment for those who choose to break the rules?  You'd bet your ass that if my child acted like a monkey during lunch, or at any other point in time, I would be more than happy for you to punish my kid, especially with something as minimal as a silent lunch.

 

This used to happen to us in school all the time.  Recess would be taken away if we acted up.  We'd have to keep our heads down while other classes would participate in school functions.  It taught us that if we didn't act right, we'd be in trouble.  And we wonder why, as a society, our children are becoming more badly behaved by each year.  We wonder why we have no control over our kids as we sit by and let them run rampant over any ounce of respect we ever hoped of teaching them.

 

There isn't enough cause and effect punishment in today's world.  The longer we "baby" our children and let them get away with misbehaving without reprimand, the longer we'll have to deal with generations of thankless, rude, and unruly people -- who will someday rule this world.  Scary, isn't it?

Horsin' Around

We spent the weekend in Thurmond, NC visiting with Patrick's Aunt Elaine who was there visiting her dear friend, Audrey. Audrey and Aunt Elaine have known each other just about 60 years and have the unfortunate tragedy of becoming widows this past fall...within weeks of each other. Audrey told Aunt Elaine to invite us down so we could see her, so we made the 5.5 hour trek to spend the weekend on the farm with them.

We had such a good time catching up with Aunt Elaine, who we haven't seen since our wedding day 5.5 years ago! This is an amazing woman, she has been through so much adversity in her life, yet she still shines like the sun. It's amazing how resilient we humans are - in the face of tragedy we can still perservere and make it through. We still get up every day, brush our teeth, get dressed and keep breathing. She is a true testament to the human spirit.

Besides the awesome candle sale we went to (at the candle factory where I got 100 candles for $60!) the best part of the weekend was my very own, private riding lesson from Audrey. I've been on a horse twice before for trail rides, but the instructors/guides never spent more than 3 minutes explaining how to handle the horse and I would cry tears of complete fear when the horse did anything more than a "mosey". I have always loved horses and knew if I got the chance to learn more about them I would be good with them.

Audrey said I was a "natural" in the saddle and that my posture was that of someone who had been riding all their lives. I rode Raisin around the house several times while I learned how to properly hold the reigns and direct her which way I wanted to go. Each time we got behind the house where Audrey could no longer see, Raisin took it upon herself to go into a trot -- but I didn't panic. I calmly made her stop so we could continue on without incident. I had such an amazing time on that horse, and Audrey has invited us down for more riding lessons whenever we want. This weekend made us decide that our retirement will be planned with horses in mind.

The weekend and the visit were much too short, but it was exciting to be with Aunt Elaine nonetheless. Hopefully, we can get to Kansas City sometime soon so that we can spend some more time with her - and not let 5.5 years pass before we see each other again!

Suds and Studs...

Why is it that laundry never seems to get done? I can spend a whole day washing, drying, folding and putting away clothes for TWO people, and the next day there is still a mound of clothing waiting to be washed? How can two people wear so many clothes? I have a work outfit and a home outfit (which can either be jeans and a tee for going out, or comfy pants and a tee for staying in). I don't wash things that aren't dirty. I just don't understand how it happens.

This weekend went by a lot faster than I wanted. Friday night, Jenn and I had a great night out. We did girl things and stayed out "late" talking the night away at Starbucks. (Late for us is 11 since both of us are usually fast asleep by 10 most nights). I have found such a great friend in her and it is going to be TOUGH when she leaves me in a few months. But -- I'm not going to think about that now.

My studly man and I spent the weekend running errands and being lazy on the couch. It was much fun, and went by too fast as usual. Here we are on Monday morning again and I can't wait for 5 to be here so I can cuddle with him on the couch again. You must be thinking that we're pathetic - and you may be right - but this is pure heaven to me.

It's been a while since I've sat down to update this thing, so I'm taking the opportunity now while the house is empty and clean.

The last few months have been utterly exhausting. Between the car accident and the event that followed, the move, Christmas shopping, Christmas parties, home to Detroit for the Holidays, and work we've had no time to sit and relax. However, with the help of Jacob and Shane, we managed to plan a "Guys Weekend" for the boys back at the farm to surprise Patrick. He arrived Thursday night and will be home later today. I wanted to do something special for him since he took such good care of me during the miscarriage, and since his best friends are all in Michigan, this was the perfect way for him to relax.

I took some time to relax and pamper myself this weekend, too, so I wasn't completely alone. I went to dinner and a movie with Jenn and Jen on Friday (saw "Rumor Has It" - pretty cute). Yesterday I treated myself to a manicure and a new haircut, which turned out great (and I pray that I can recreate the same style today!), went shopping and found some GREAT deals on new clothes for myself. Last night I went with the Dawsons and their families for a bowling party for Ryan, and I picked up sushi on the way home to enjoy on the couch. Today I'm finishing the laundry and meeting Chris and Lindsay for football at McFaddens. So, see, I'm not completely lonely!

This past week was a big one for me at work. After 2 months of studying and passing various modules, I have become an Accredited Customer Service Representative. This designation took hours and hours of study time and gives me a title to boast about. Thankfully, I can take this with me when we move and it will help me incredibly when getting my next job.

That's pretty much it for now. Patrick will be home later and I'm sure he'll be exhausted since he and the boys did nothing but party this weekend, but it's all worth it just to see him smile.

Obsessive

Have you ever become so obsessed with one certain thing in your life that you can't seem to get out from under it?  On top of being impatient I have discovered recently that when I find one certain thing to fixate on, I literally become obsessed with it until it is resolved. 

 

Take, for instance, my inability to cope with my toe nails being uneven.  Seriously.  If I see or feel that one side of my toe nail is higher or lower than the other I will pick at it until I have either a) given myself an ingrown toenail or b) end up cutting too much of the nail off and then have to cut the rest of my nails because they won't look right.  See...this is obsessive behavior.

 

This type of fault runs in my family, too.  For example, my sister used to sit on the sink for hours in front of the mirror so that she could pluck her eyebrows.  The girl didn't just do it once in a while, she did this every day.  She was so obsessed that she ended up with the thinnest line of eyebrow you had ever seen.  See again...obsessive behavior. 

 

It's apparent that in life we must learn to let things go that are not of importance, but sometimes it's hard to not obsess over the things that seem most important to you.  Like the thought of the weekend coming.  ;) 

Recent Events...

Patrick and Cameron


Us and The Colliaus


ALMOST all my cousins...but not quite...


Me and Cameron


Trying to remember "Cat's Cradle" with my sister


Christmas Morning